Yeah I called her up, she gave me a bunch of crap about me not listening to her, or something, I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.

Harry

Lloyd: The first time I set eyes on Mary Swanson, I just got that old fashioned romantic feeling where I'd do anything to bone her.
Harry: That's a special feeling, Lloyd.

Just when I thought you couldn't possibly be any dumber, you go and do something like this... and totally redeem yourself!

Harry

Harry: So you got fired again, eh?
Lloyd: Oh yeah. They always freak out when you leave the scene of an accident, you know?
Harry: Yeah, well, I lost my job too.
Lloyd: Man, you are one pathetic loser. No offense.
Harry: No, none taken. You know what really chaps my ass though? I spent my life savings turning my van into a dog. The alarm alone cost me two hundred.
Lloyd: Hey, chicks love it. It's a shaggin' wagon.

Lloyd: The first time I set eyes on Mary Swanson, I just got that old fashioned romantic feeling where I'd do anything to bone her.
Harry: That's a special feeling, Lloyd.

If I know Mary as well as I think I do, she'll invite us right in for tea and strumpets.

Lloyd

Harry: Hi, Lloyd.
Lloyd: Hi, Harry.
Harry: How was your day?
Lloyd: Not bad. Fell off the jet way again.

Harry: I can't believe we drove around all day, and there's not a single job in this town. There is nothing, nada, zip!
Lloyd: Yeah! Unless you wanna work forty hours a week.

Lloyd: What's the matter, Har? Some little filly break your heart?
Harry: No, it was a girl.

Lloyd: This isn't my real job, you know.
Mary: No?
Lloyd: Nope. My friend Harry and I are saving up to open our own pet store.
Mary: That's nice.
Lloyd: I got worms!
Mary: I beg your pardon?
Lloyd: That's what we're gonna call it. "I Got Worms!" We're gonna specialize in selling worm farms. You know, like ant farms.

Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of crap about me not listening to her, or something. I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.

Harry

Lloyd: What the hell are we doing here, Harry? We gotta get out of this town!
Harry: Oh yeah, and go where? Where are we gonna go?
Lloyd: I'll tell you where. Someplace warm. A place where the beer flows like wine. Where beautiful women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano. I'm talking about a little place called Aspen.
Harry: Oh, I don't know, Lloyd. The French are assholes.

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Dumb & Dumber Quotes

Lloyd: What are the chances of a guy like you and a girl like me... ending up together?
Mary: Well, that's pretty difficult to say.
Lloyd: Hit me with it! I've come a long way to see you, Mary. The least you can do is level with me. What are my chances?
Mary: Not good.
Lloyd: You mean, not good like one out of a hundred?
Mary: I'd say more like one out of a million.
[pause]
Lloyd: So you're telling me there's a chance.

Lloyd: That's a lovely accent you have. New Jersey?
Lady at bus stop: Austria.
Lloyd: Austria! Well, then. G'day mate! Let's put another shrimp on the barbie!
Lady at bus stop: Let's not.