You might think it upset me that Paul Metzler had decided to run against me but nothing could be further from the truth. He was no competition for me; it was like apples and oranges. I had to work a little harder, that's all, see I believe in the voters; they understand that elections aren't just popularity contests, they know this country was built by people just like me who work very hard and don't have everything handed to them on a silver spoon. Not like some rich kids who everybody likes because their fathers owns Metzlers cement and give them trucks on their 16th birthday and throw them big parties all the time. No, they don't ever have to work for anything. They think they can just all of a sudden one day out of the blue waltz right in with no qualifications what's so ever and try to take away what other people have worked very, very hard for their entire lives. No, it didn't bother me at all.

Tracy Flick

[about Tracy] Her pussy gets so wet you can't believe it.

Dave Novotny

[narrating] What happens to a man when he loses everything? Everything he's worked for... everything he believes in? Driven from his home... cast out of society... how can he survive? Where can he go? New York City! For centuries people have come to New York seeking refuge from their troubled lives. Now I am one of them.

Jim McAllister

[while counting the votes, he sees Tracy in the hall looking in] The sight of Tracy at that moment affected me in a way I can't fully explain. Part of it was that she was spying; but mostly it was her face. Who knew how high she would climb in life? How many people would suffer because of her? I had to stop her... now!

Jim McAllister

Linda never came home. I know, because I waited 10 hours outside her house.

Jim McAllister

Good morning, Mr. M. Looks like you could use a CUPCAKE!

Tracy Flick

Jim McAllister: Paul, what is your favorite fruit?
Paul Metzler: Pears.
Jim McAllister: Okay, now...
Paul Metzler: No wait! Apples.
Jim McAllister: Great, now say that everyday you had an apple. An apple, an apple and more apples. You probably thought that apples were pretty good, even if you got a rotten one every once in awhile. Then one day there was an orange. Now you can choose, do you want an apple or do you want an orange? That's democracy.
Paul Metzler: I also like bananas.
Jim McAllister: Exactly!

Who the fuck does she think she is?

Jim McAllister

[narrating] When I think back on my relationship with Mr. Novotny, what I miss most... is our talks.

Tracy Flick

Larry, we're not electing the fucking Pope here. Just tell me who won.

Jim McAllister

You gonna do it? Come on. Fill me up! Come on! Fill me up! Yeah! Good job!

Diane McAllister

[Jim is watching porn]
Adult Video Actor: Crystal! What are you doing here in the boy's locker room?
Adult Video Actress: Come to see the star quarterback before the big game.
Adult Video Actor: But what if Coach Henderson walks in?
Adult Video Actress: Oh, that's okay, I took care of him. So, uh, whatya reading?
Adult Video Actor: Oh, I'm just reviewing my playbook.
Adult Video Actress: I know a play we can practice: You be quarterback, I'll be tight-end.

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Election Quotes

[Jim is watching porn]
Adult Video Actor: Crystal! What are you doing here in the boy's locker room?
Adult Video Actress: Come to see the star quarterback before the big game.
Adult Video Actor: But what if Coach Henderson walks in?
Adult Video Actress: Oh, that's okay, I took care of him. So, uh, whatya reading?
Adult Video Actor: Oh, I'm just reviewing my playbook.
Adult Video Actress: I know a play we can practice: You be quarterback, I'll be tight-end.

[praying] Dear God, I know I don't believe in you, but since I'll be starting catholic school soon, I though I should at least practice. Let's see. What do I want? I want Lisa to realize what a bitch she is and feel really bad and apologize for how she hurt me and know how much I still love her. In spite of everything, I still want Paul to win the election tomorrow, not that cunt Tracy. Oh, and I also want a really expensive pair of leather pants and someday, I wanna be really good friends with Madonna. Love, Tammy.

Tammy Metzler