It's like my mom says, "The weak are always trying to sabatoge the strong."

Tracy Flick

[narrating] Being suspended is like getting a paid vacation. Why do they think it's a punishment? It's like your dog pees on the carpet and you give him a treat. Then you get in trouble for skipping school, it's sooo stupid! Hendricks told me, "One more time" and I'd be expelled. Sounded good to me.

Tammy Metzler

Jim McAllister: Dave, I'm just saying this as your friend: What you're doing is really, really wrong... and you've gotta stop. The line you've crossed is... it's immoral... and it's illegal.
Dave Novotny: Jim, come on, I don't need a lecture on ethics.
Jim McAllister: I'm not talking about ethics, I'm talking about morals.
Dave Novotny: What's the difference?

[Jim is watching porn]
Adult Video Actor: Crystal! What are you doing here in the boy's locker room?
Adult Video Actress: Come to see the star quarterback before the big game.
Adult Video Actor: But what if Coach Henderson walks in?
Adult Video Actress: Oh, that's okay, I took care of him. So, uh, whatya reading?
Adult Video Actor: Oh, I'm just reviewing my playbook.
Adult Video Actress: I know a play we can practice: You be quarterback, I'll be tight-end.

You gonna do it? Come on. Fill me up! Come on! Fill me up! Yeah! Good job!

Diane McAllister

Larry, we're not electing the fucking Pope here. Just tell me who won.

Jim McAllister

[narrating] When I think back on my relationship with Mr. Novotny, what I miss most... is our talks.

Tracy Flick

Who the fuck does she think she is?

Jim McAllister

Jim McAllister: Paul, what is your favorite fruit?
Paul Metzler: Pears.
Jim McAllister: Okay, now...
Paul Metzler: No wait! Apples.
Jim McAllister: Great, now say that everyday you had an apple. An apple, an apple and more apples. You probably thought that apples were pretty good, even if you got a rotten one every once in awhile. Then one day there was an orange. Now you can choose, do you want an apple or do you want an orange? That's democracy.
Paul Metzler: I also like bananas.
Jim McAllister: Exactly!

Good morning, Mr. M. Looks like you could use a CUPCAKE!

Tracy Flick

Linda never came home. I know, because I waited 10 hours outside her house.

Jim McAllister

[while counting the votes, he sees Tracy in the hall looking in] The sight of Tracy at that moment affected me in a way I can't fully explain. Part of it was that she was spying; but mostly it was her face. Who knew how high she would climb in life? How many people would suffer because of her? I had to stop her... now!

Jim McAllister

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Election Quotes

[Jim is watching porn]
Adult Video Actor: Crystal! What are you doing here in the boy's locker room?
Adult Video Actress: Come to see the star quarterback before the big game.
Adult Video Actor: But what if Coach Henderson walks in?
Adult Video Actress: Oh, that's okay, I took care of him. So, uh, whatya reading?
Adult Video Actor: Oh, I'm just reviewing my playbook.
Adult Video Actress: I know a play we can practice: You be quarterback, I'll be tight-end.

[praying] Dear God, I know I don't believe in you, but since I'll be starting catholic school soon, I though I should at least practice. Let's see. What do I want? I want Lisa to realize what a bitch she is and feel really bad and apologize for how she hurt me and know how much I still love her. In spite of everything, I still want Paul to win the election tomorrow, not that cunt Tracy. Oh, and I also want a really expensive pair of leather pants and someday, I wanna be really good friends with Madonna. Love, Tammy.

Tammy Metzler