Santa: I've been to New York thousands of times.
Buddy: Really?
Santa: Mmm hmm.
Buddy: What's it like?
Santa: Well, there are some things you should know. First off, you see gum on the street, leave it there. It isn't free candy.
Buddy: Oh.
Santa: Second, there are, like, 30 Ray's Pizzas. They all claim to be the original. But the real one's on 11th. And if you see a sign that says "Peep Show," that doesn't mean that they're letting you look at the new toys before Christmas.

Buddy: Actually, I'm a human, but I was raised by elves.
Carolyn: I'm a human... raised by humans.
Buddy: Cool.

Have you seen these toilets? They're GINORMOUS!

Buddy

Now, before we learn how to build the latest in extreme graphic chipset processors, let's recite the code of the elves, shall we?

Elf Teacher

Santa: That's another thing... Buddy you should know that your father... he's on the naughty list.
Buddy: Nooooo!

[pushing elevator buttons] It looks like a Christmas tree!

Buddy

Jovie: How come you were in the women's locker room this morning?
Buddy: I heard you singing.
Jovie: Are you sure it had nothing to do with the fact that I was naked in the shower?
Buddy: I didn't know you were naked.

It's just nice to meet another human that shares my affinity for elf culture.

Buddy

I thought maybe we could make ginger bread houses, and eat cookie dough, and go ice skating, and maybe even hold hands.

Buddy

[in the mail room] It's just like Santa's workshop! Except it smells like mushrooms... and everyone looks like they wanna hurt me.

Buddy

What about santa's cookies? I suppose parents eat those too?

Buddy

Miles Finch: [pitching ideas] No tomatoes. Too vulnerable. Kids, they're already vulnerable.
Walter: See, I told you guys. I told them the same thing...
Miles Finch: And no farms. Everyone's pushing small town rural. A farm book would just be white noise.

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Elf Quotes

Make work your favorite. That's your new favorite.

Gimbel's Manager

Leon the Snowman: By the way don't eat the yellow snow.
Buddy: Oh, I know that.