Santa: I've been to New York thousands of times.
Buddy: Really?
Santa: Mmm hmm.
Buddy: What's it like?
Santa: Well, there are some things you should know. First off, you see gum on the street, leave it there. It isn't free candy.
Buddy: Oh.
Santa: Second, there are, like, 30 Ray's Pizzas. They all claim to be the original. But the real one's on 11th. And if you see a sign that says "Peep Show," that doesn't mean that they're letting you look at the new toys before Christmas.

Buddy: Actually, I'm a human, but I was raised by elves.
Carolyn: I'm a human... raised by humans.
Buddy: Cool.

Have you seen these toilets? They're GINORMOUS!

Buddy

Now, before we learn how to build the latest in extreme graphic chipset processors, let's recite the code of the elves, shall we?

Elf Teacher

Watch out, the yellow ones don't stop!

Buddy

[pushing elevator buttons] It looks like a Christmas tree!

Buddy

Jovie: How come you were in the women's locker room this morning?
Buddy: I heard you singing.
Jovie: Are you sure it had nothing to do with the fact that I was naked in the shower?
Buddy: I didn't know you were naked.

It's just nice to meet another human that shares my affinity for elf culture.

Buddy

I thought maybe we could make ginger bread houses, and eat cookie dough, and go ice skating, and maybe even hold hands.

Buddy

I'm a cotton-headed ninny-muggins.

Buddy

Walter: What do you want? Some money?
Buddy: No! I just wanted to meet you and thought maybe you might want to meet me.
Walter: Who wouldn't wanna meet you?

Walter: You get the hell out of here.
Buddy: Where do you want me to go?
Walter: I don't care where you go. I don't care that you're an elf! I don't care that you're nuts! I don't care that you're my son! Get out of my life! Now!

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Elf Quotes

Make work your favorite. That's your new favorite.

Gimbel's Manager

Leon the Snowman: By the way don't eat the yellow snow.
Buddy: Oh, I know that.