Michael: Maybe it was an iguana.
Elliot: It was NO iguana.
Michael: You know how they say there are alligators in the sewers?
Gertie: Alligators in the sewers.
Mary: All we're trying to say is, maybe you just probably imagined it.
Elliot: I couldn't have imagined it!
Michael: Maybe it was a pervert or a deformed kid or something.
Gertie: A deformed kid.
Michael: Maybe an elf or a leprechaun?
Elliot: It was nothing like that, penis-breath!

Mary: If you ever see it again, whatever it is, don't catch it, just call me and we'll call somebody and have them take it away.
Gertie: Like the dog catcher?
Elliot: But they'll give it a lobotomy or do experiments on it or something.

Michael: Maybe he's some animal that wasn't supposed to live. Could be a monkey or an orangutan.
Elliot: A bald monkey?
Gertie: Is he a pig? He sure eats like one.

You could be happy here, I could take care of you. I wouldn't let anybody hurt you. We could grow up together, E.T.

Elliot

Keys: Elliot, that machine, what does it do?
Elliot: The communicator? Is it still working?
Keys: It's doing something. What?

Elliot: He came to me, he came to me.
Keys: Elliot, he came to me too. I've been wishing for this since I was 10 years old, I don't want him to die. What can we do that we're not already doing?
Elliot: He needs to go home, he's calling his people, and I don't know where they are, and he needs to go home.

Elliot, I don't think he was left here intentionally, but his being here is a miracle, Elliot. It's a miracle and you did the best that anybody could do. I'm glad he met you first.

Keys

[imitating Elliot] I found him, he belongs to me!

Michael

You must be dead, because I don't know how to feel. I can't feel anything anymore.

Elliot

Steve: Did your goblin come back?
Michael: Shut up.
Greg: Well, did he?
Elliot: Yeah, he came back. But he's not a goblin. He's a spaceman.
Tyler: Ooh! An Extra-Terrestrial! Where's he from? Uranus? Get it? Your anus?
Greg: He doesn't get it Ty.
Tyler: Get it? Your anus?
Greg: He doesn't get it.

Elliot: You're so immature!
Greg: And you're such a sinus supremus.
Elliot: Zero charisma!
Greg: Sinus supremus!
Elliot: Zero charisma!
Greg: Sinus supremus!
Elliot: Shut up Greg!

Elliot: He's a man from outer space and we're taking him to his spaceship.
Greg: Well, can't he just beam up?
Elliot: This is REALITY, Greg.

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E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial Quotes

I'm keeping him.

Elliott

[as Yoda] "You have absolute power! Eerrp!"

Michael