That was my skull! I'm so wasted!

Jeff Spicoli

Stacy Hamilton: When a guy has an orgasm, how much comes out?
Linda Barrett: A quart or so.

Businessman: It says one hundred percent guaranteed, you moron!
Brad Hamilton: Mister, if you don't shut up I'm gonna kick one hundred percent of your ass!

I think I just came... didn't you feel it?

Mike Damone

Curtis Spicoli: Dad says you have to get up
Jeff Spicoli: LEAVE ME ALONE!
Curtis Spicoli: Dad says you're gonna be late again you butthole!
Jeff Spicoli: LEAVE ME ALONE!
Curtis Spicoli: Dad says you're gonna be late again you booger!

GET OFF MY CASE MOTHERFUCKER!

Brad Hamilton

Those guys are fags.

Jeff Spicoli

What are you, people? On dope?

Mr. Hand

I woke up in a great mood; I don't know what the hell happened.

Mike Damone

Jeff Spicoli: Hey, you're ripping my card.
Mr. Hand: Yes.
Jeff Spicoli: Hey bud, what's your problem?
Mr. Hand: No problem at all. I think you know where the front office is.
Jeff Spicoli: You dick!

Mr. Vargas: Are you in my class?
Jeff Spicoli: I am today.

[passing back class' exams] 'C', 'D', 'F'. 'F'. 'F'. For three weeks we have been talking about the Platt Amendment. It was passed in 1906.

Mr. Hand

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Fast Times at Ridgemont High Quotes

Jefferson's Brother: My brother's gonna kill us! He's gonna kill us! He's gonna kill you and he's gonna kill me, he's gonna kill us!
Jeff Spicoli: Hey man, just be glad I had fast reflexes!
Jefferson's Brother: My brother's gonna shit!
Jeff Spicoli: Make up your mind, dude, is he gonna shit or is he gonna kill us?
Jefferson's Brother: First he's gonna shit, then he's gonna kill us!
Jeff Spicoli: Relax, all right? My old man is a television repairman, he's got this ultimate set of tools. I can fix it.

Jeff Spicoli: Hey, you're ripping my card.
Mr. Hand: Yes.
Jeff Spicoli: Hey bud, what's your problem?
Mr. Hand: No problem at all. I think you know where the front office is.
Jeff Spicoli: You dick!