If this is some kind of practical joke, it's not funny, and I know funny. I'm a clownfish.

Marlin

Bruce: So, what's a couple of bites like you doing out so late?
Marlin: Nothing, we're not doing anything, we're not even out.
Bruce: Great! Then how would you little morsels like to come to a little - a little get-together I'm having?
Dory: You mean like a party?
Bruce: Yeah, that's it, a party! What do you say?
Dory: Oh, I love parties! That sounds like fun.

Bruce: All right, anyone else? Hello, how 'bout you, mate? What's your problem?
Marlin: Me? I don't... I don't have a problem.
Bruce: Oh. Okay...
Anchor: Denial.

...and the sea cucumber turns to the mollusk and says, "With fronds like these, who needs anemones?"

Marlin

Marlin: The water is half empty!
Dory: Hmmm. Really? I'd say it's half full.

Marlin: Wow.
Coral: Mmm.
Marlin: Wow.
Coral: Mm-hmm.
Marlin: Wow.
Coral: Yes, Marlin. I... No, I see it. It's beautiful.
Marlin: So, Coral, when you said you wanted an ocean view, you didn't think you were going to get the whole ocean, did you? Huh?

Crush: Okay. Squirt here will now give you a rundown of proper exiting technique.
Squirt: Good afternoon. We're gonna have a great jump today. Okay, first crank a hard cutback as you hit the wall. There's a screaming bottom curve, so watch out. Remember: rip it, roll it, and punch it.
Marlin: It's like he's trying to speak to me, I know it. Look, you're really cute, but I can't understand what you're saying. Say the first thing again.

Marlin: Where's my son? Where's Nemo?
Bloat: [frantically] Dentist! Dentist!
Marlin: What's a dentist? What is that?

[reciting] I am a nice shark, not a mindless eating machine. If I am to change this image, I must first change myself. Fish are friends, not food.

Sharks

To the top of Mount Wanna-hock-a-loogie.

Gill

Marlin: Now it's my turn. I'm thinking of something dark and mysterious. It's a fish we don't know. If we ask it directions, it could ingest us and spit out our bones.
Dory: What is it with men and asking for directions?
Marlin: I don't want to play the gender card right now. You want to play a card, let's play the "let's not die" card.

[last lines, as the fish have managed to roll into the ocean in their plastic bags]
Deb: Yay!
Bloat: Ha, ha, ha, ha!
Gill: We did it!
[long pause]
Bloat: Now what?

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Finding Nemo Quotes

I'm dead. I'm dead, I'm dead, I'm dead, I'm dead, I died, I'm dead.

Marlin

Dory: Hey there, Mr. Grumpy Gills. When life gets you down do you wanna know what you've gotta do?
Marlin: No I don't wanna know.
Dory: [singing] Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. What do we do? We swim, swim.
Marlin: Dory, no singing.
Dory: [continuing] Ha, ha, ha, ha, ho. I love to swim. When you want to swim you want to swim.
Marlin: Now I'm stuck with that song... Now it's in my head.
Dory: Sorry.