Peter Bretter: Is she coming this way?
Rachel Jansen: Yep.
Peter Bretter: I wish I wasn't wearing this fucking shirt.

Sarah Marshall: I hate your music.
Aldous Snow: Yeah well, I fucked the housekeeper the other day.

Surfing Instructor: There's only one cure for pain like that.
Peter Bretter: What?
Surfing Instructor: Weed. Ya got any?
Peter Bretter: No.
Surfing Instructor: Well then let's just go surfing!

You have Christ between your thighs... only with a shorter beard.


Matthew: I have a question for you real quick. What did you think of my demo? Did you get it?
Aldous Snow: I was gonna listen to that, but then, um, I just carried on living my life.

Peter Bretter: Maybe this is a sign from God that I should forget her.
Darald: Maybe this is a sign that you should be WITH her. I love her show. When they mix the sexuality and the violence, I like it.

[very unenthusiastically, while having sex with Peter] Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. I just came. Uh. Uh. Uh.


How you served five years under her, I don't know. You deserve a medal, or a holiday or at least a cuddle from somebody.

Aldous Snow

He turned down a blow job from his ex-girlfriend. You know what that does to a man? It's called blue balls. He's like Gandhi! But better - he likes puppets!

Dwayne the Bartender

Peter Bretter: I wanna stand up before I leave.
Surfing Instructor: I don't think you're ready, man.
Peter Bretter: I'm ready to ride fucking giants, Kunu.
Surfing Instructor: I think you're ready.

Sarah Marshall: Do you want to put some clothes on!
Peter Bretter: Oh, would you like to pick out the outfit that you break up with me in!

Sarah Marshall: Remember how we thought the killer masturbated before commiting his crimes?
Detective Hunter Rush: Yes?
Sarah Marshall: Take a look...
Detective Hunter Rush: ...Looks like where he's going he'll need to know how to masturbate.

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Forgetting Sarah Marshall Quotes

Oh, if they were Sean Jean sweatpants it would be no problem, but because they were Costco brand, it's the worst thing I could do.

Peter Bretter

Are those sad tissues or happy tissues?