Sarah Marshall: I need you to get hard, Pete.
Peter Bretter: I know what I'm supposed to do.

He turned down a blow job from his ex-girlfriend. You know what that does to a man? It's called blue balls. He's like Gandhi! But better - he likes puppets!

Dwayne the Bartender

You're like one of those women from Flavor of Love. 'I'm gonna kill you'

Peter Bretter

You sound like you're from London!

Surfing Instructor

Look at my limo driver... I'm going to have sex with her! alright!

Aldous Snow

I mean, I've heard that women do fake orgasms, but I've never seen it... It really, deeply upset me.

Aldous Snow

Yeah, I had a girl cheat on me once, with both Liam Gallagher and Noel Gallagher.

Aldous Snow

Off to find the mythical clitoris!

Darald

How you served five years under her, I don't know. You deserve a medal, or a holiday or at least a cuddle from somebody.

Aldous Snow

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Forgetting Sarah Marshall Quotes

Oh, if they were Sean Jean sweatpants it would be no problem, but because they were Costco brand, it's the worst thing I could do.

Peter Bretter

Are those sad tissues or happy tissues?

Kemo