I grab a dog. I choke him and I kick the shit out of him. All day long got my foot up a dog's ass. Just bang, bang, bang up his ass. That's my pleasure.

Mr. Jones

I got mind control over Deebo. He be like "shut the f**k up." I be quiet. But when he leave, I be talking again.

Smokey

I know you don't smoke weed, I know this; but I'm gonna get you high today, 'cause it's Friday; you ain't got no job... and you ain't got shit to do.

Smokey

Pastor Clever: [at Smokey] Excuse me brother, what we call drugs at the 74th Street Baptist Church we call the sin of sin sins.
Smokey: Well round here, between Normandie and Western, we call this here a little twenty twen twen...
Craig Jones: Right...
Smokey: Nigga...
Pastor Clever: Give me a little for my cataracts.
Smokey: You didn't put in on this man.

Smokey: Older the berry, the sweeter the juice.
Craig Jones: Man, it's the blacker the berry, the sweeter the juice.
Smokey: Yeah, well she blacker than a motherfucker too.

Mrs. Jones: Craig, you know what your problem is? You have no game.
Craig Jones: What do you know about game? I got ALL the game.
Mrs. Jones: Now your father... he has game.
Mr. Jones: [coming out of the bathroom] Don't nobody go in the bathroom for about 35, 45 minutes. Somebody open up a window.
Craig Jones: You call that game?

Weed is from the earth. God put this here for me and you. Take advantage man, take advantage.

Smokey

Why don't you tell your daddy to comb his damn hair, look like some spiders is having a meetin' on his head.

Smokey

You win some, you lose some. But you live, you live to fight another day.

Mr. Jones

Playing with my money is like playing with my emotions, Smokey.

Big Worm

Dana Jones: [after Craig punches Deebo out] He thinks he's the Mack...
Mr. Jones: Hehe. Macaroni.

Craig Jones: We ain't got no sugar.
Smokey: No sugar? Damn. Y'all ain't never got two things that match. Either y'all got Kool-aid, no sugar. Peanut butter, no jelly. Ham, no burger. Daaamn.

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Friday Quotes

Every time I come in the kitchen, you in the kitchen. In the goddamn refrigerator. Eatin' up all the food. All the chitlins... All the pig's feet... All the collard greens... All the hog maws. I wanna eat them chitlins... I like pigs feet.

Dad

Jehovah's Witness: Are you prepared for Jehovah's return? 'Cause if you're not, we've got a pam...
[Craig slams the door in their faces]
Jehovah's Witness: Well fuck you. Half-dead motherfucker. Come on, sister.