Mark: When my grandfather died, there was one candle next to his bed. And the candle started flickering. We all thought it was him going to Heaven, you know?
Leo: You don't pass through fire to get to Heaven. I think he went to Hell.

George Simmons: So, Ira Wright? That's not your real name. You're hiding some Judaism.
Ira Wright: I don't think I can hide that. My face is circumcised.

Is your act just designed to make sure no girl will ever sleep with you?

George Simmons

Mark: Don't put me in this position where I have to fuck my way out of a corner!
Leo: He'll do it too. I've seen him.

Laura: No cussing in your standup.
George Simmons: That takes out half of my act.

Leo: If you put 'Cut Kittens' the title of your video, you will have a million hits, then you can put that as a link to your standup.
Ira Wright: Why not just put 'Megan Fox giving a blowjob'?

So I'm guessing your friend is the fat version of you.

George Simmons

I can't belive this, I'm opening up to you, and you're making fun of a serious moment in my life.

Mark

George Simmons: So, which room is yours?
Ira Wright: Prepare to take a hike, because you're standing in it.

George Simmons: I'm surprised nothing happened with you and that girl.
Ira Wright: She told me she had a boyfriend.
George Simmons: She told me the same thing, when she was sucking my cock.

Why don't you go suck George Simmons's cock?

Leo

Dr. Lars: Now do you trust my accent?
George Simmons: Yes I do.

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Funny People Quotes

George Simmons: So, Ira Wright? That's not your real name. You're hiding some Judaism.
Ira Wright: I don't think I can hide that. My face is circumcised.

Dr. Lars: It's too early to know who's winning the fight: the medicine or the disease.
George Simmons: Did anybody ever tell you, you have a very scary accent?
Dr. Lars: You are a very funny man. I enjoy your movies.
George Simmons: And I enjoy all of your movies.
Dr. Lars: [surprised] Which movies?
George Simmons: The ones where you try to kill Bruce Willis.

Funny People Review

Despite their seemingly ridiculous, over-the-top, lewd premises, there was always an undercurrent of real emotion in Judd Apatow's first...

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