Shtarker: Too bad about all the dead movie stars.
Siegfried: Yes. What will we do without their razor-sharp political advice.

[to Agent 99] Is that your default setting or something? Oh, today's Tuesday, I'll punch Max. Oh look, a box of kittens, I think I'll punch Max. I have this piece of bread so now I'm going to punch Max.

Maxwell Smart

Maxwell Smart: [after he gets recruited as a new agent] I request a cone of silence.
Maxwell Smart: [he doesn't press the button hard enough so everyone can hear him] Oh, I'm so happy! I'm so happy! This is the best day of my life!
Lloyd: Dude, you didn't press the button hard enough...
Maxwell Smart: Right.

Maxwell Smart: There are 150 special forces snipers surrounding this building.
Siegfried: No there's not.
Maxwell Smart: Would you believe 2 dozen Delta Force commandoes?
Siegfried: No.
Maxwell Smart: How about Chuck Norris with a BB gun.

Agent 99: I used to look like my mom.
Maxwell Smart: I used to look like two of my moms put together.

Siegfried: How do I know you're not from CONTROL?
Maxwell Smart: If I were from CONTROL, you'd already be dead.
Siegfried: If you were from CONTROL, YOU'D already be dead.
Maxwell Smart: Neither of us is dead, so I'm obviously not from CONTROL.
[long pause]
Shtarker: That actually makes sense.

Maxwell Smart: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
The Chief: I don't know. Were you thinking, "Holy shit, holy shit, a sword fish almost went through my head"? If so, the

It's okay, 99. Big people feel pain, too.

Maxwell Smart

Well, you've done your job, so I don't suppose I can kill your wife Zenat. Although frankly I'd be doing the sighted world a favor.

Siegfried

Well, you've done your job, so I don't suppose I can kill your wife Zenat. Although frankly I'd be doing the sighted world a favor.

Siegfried

Larabee: I'll do it sir, I have no problem exposing myself.
Agent 99: Do you ever think before you open your mouth?
Larabee: No, I tend to just whip it out there.

That is a sucker punch to the gonads.

Maxwell Smart

FREE Movie Newsletter

Get Smart Quotes

Shtarker: Too bad about all the dead movie stars.
Siegfried: Yes. What will we do without their razor-sharp political advice.

Siegfried: How do I know you're not from CONTROL?
Maxwell Smart: If I were from CONTROL, you'd already be dead.
Siegfried: If you were from CONTROL, YOU'D already be dead.
Maxwell Smart: Neither of us is dead, so I'm obviously not from CONTROL.
[long pause]
Shtarker: That actually makes sense.