Shtarker: Too bad about all the dead movie stars.
Siegfried: Yes. What will we do without their razor-sharp political advice.

Agent 99: I used to look like my mom.
Maxwell Smart: I used to look like two of my moms put together.

Maxwell Smart: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
The Chief: I don't know. Were you thinking, "Holy shit, holy shit, a sword fish almost went through my head"? If so, then yes.

Agent 99: Did you see anything while I was dancing?
Maxwell Smart: Just once, but I don't think you expected him to lift you that high.

Agent 99: Did I hear something?
Maxwell Smart: Yes, there were some tap dancers in the hallway.

There was a guy in the bathroom - and he was really hot!

Maxwell Smart

It's okay, 99. Big people feel pain, too.

Maxwell Smart

Maxwell Smart: Well, you were no help at all.
Agent 99: How could I help? I'm just a woman with a dusty old uterus.
Maxwell Smart: I never said dusty.

Mother of pearl!

Maxwell Smart

Agent 99: Max has no experience, and I don't want him as my partner.
Maxwell Smart: Well, that is a sucker punch to the gonads.

Maxwell Smart: Oh gee, Maxie-man, I haven't heard that one before!
[pause]
Maxwell Smart: I never have heard that before, actually.

Okay, not to keep dwelling on this, but that was some kiss. How did you know that will work? Have you kissed other men who then plummented to their deaths?

Maxwell Smart

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Get Smart Quotes

Shtarker: Too bad about all the dead movie stars.
Siegfried: Yes. What will we do without their razor-sharp political advice.

Siegfried: How do I know you're not from CONTROL?
Maxwell Smart: If I were from CONTROL, you'd already be dead.
Siegfried: If you were from CONTROL, YOU'D already be dead.
Maxwell Smart: Neither of us is dead, so I'm obviously not from CONTROL.
[long pause]
Shtarker: That actually makes sense.