[given a blanket] Oh good, the itchy kind, my favorite, does this one also have small pox? And that was a human tooth...

Maxwell Smart

Agent 99: Not bad for a rookie.
Maxwell Smart: Not bad for an old lady.

You know, you're the only human being I know who snores when he's awake.

Siegfried

Agent 99: I think we should trust him chief.
Agent 23: Oh absolutely Chief, I'm with 99 on that one, everytime I look at Maxie's puppy eyes I'm a goner.
Agent 99: Oh my God, you've really never had anyone break up with you have you?

Siegfried: How do I know you're not from CONTROL?
Maxwell Smart: If I were from CONTROL, you'd already be dead.
Siegfried: If you were from CONTROL, YOU'D already be dead.
Maxwell Smart: Neither of us is dead, so I'm obviously not from CONTROL.
[long pause]
Shtarker: That actually makes sense.

Agent 99: You lied about finding evidence of radioactivity
Agent 23: You conveniently killed Krstic before anyone could question him.
The Chief: And there's that little matter with you stoning my head with a fire extinguisher.
Maxwell Smart: I said I was sorry, you just didn't hear me because you were in a mini coma.

Agent 99: Are you staring at my butt?
Maxwell Smart: No, no, I...I was, but I'm not...I'm staring again.

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Get Smart Quotes

Shtarker: Too bad about all the dead movie stars.
Siegfried: Yes. What will we do without their razor-sharp political advice.

Siegfried: How do I know you're not from CONTROL?
Maxwell Smart: If I were from CONTROL, you'd already be dead.
Siegfried: If you were from CONTROL, YOU'D already be dead.
Maxwell Smart: Neither of us is dead, so I'm obviously not from CONTROL.
[long pause]
Shtarker: That actually makes sense.