Employee: One Heffer with cheese.
Scarface: You son of a bitch, I'm right behind you! Turn around and ASK me for a Heffer with cheese, yo! Why you gotta make me feel inferior because I'm workin' the grill, B? Damn!
Employee: ...sorry.

Mary Jane Potman: My father's a drug dealer.
Thurgood Jenkins: Wow, that must've been the shit.
Mary Jane Potman: It ruined his life.
Thurgood Jenkins: That must've been shitty.

Thurgood Jenkins: I be from Jamaica, mon. Lord have mercy.
Samson Simpson: What part of Jamaica?
Thurgood Jenkins: Right near da beach. Boy-eeee!

Thurgood Jenkins: Yeah, get me a box of condoms, and, what was that thing we used to eat back in the day? What was it... oh yeah, pussy.
Kenny: You got it.

Marijuana is not a drug. I used to suck dick for coke. Now that's an addiction. You ever suck some dick for marijuana?

Cocaine Addict

I don't do drugs, though. Just weed.

Thurgood Jenkins

Thurgood Jenkins: You know I got some weed at work today, if y'all wanna try it out.
Scarface: Nah, we don't feel like smokin' right now.
Thurgood Jenkins: Me neither. So y'all wanna smoke?
Scarface: I'll get Billy Bong Thornton!
Brian: No man. No Billy Bong Thornton without Kenny. That wouldn't be right. Get Wesley Pipes. Yeah!

In 11 days I'm as good as skewered! Ever take your clothes off and run backwards through a cornfield?

Kenny

If I wasn't from Jamaica, then why would I be wearing this hat?

Thurgood Jenkins

Brian: Hey, Jan... will you be my girlfriend?
Jan: Well, I would, but I'm gay. I'm a big dyke.
Brian: Oh. What's that like?

The doctor said I need a backiotomy!

Sir-Smoke-Alot

Thurgood Jenkins: Smoke-Alot opened up to me like I was Barbara Walters. It was ridiculous, he told me about his lawyer...
Sir-Smoke-Alot: He had sex with my momma! Why?
Thurgood Jenkins: Spirituality...
Sir-Smoke-Alot: God, if you listenin', help!...
Thurgood Jenkins: His bad back...
Sir-Smoke-Alot: The doctor said I need a backiotomy.
Thurgood Jenkins: His love life...
Sir-Smoke-Alot: I'm impotent, man! Get away from me, biatch!
[pushes girl aside]
Thurgood Jenkins: I mean, talk about a guy with problems.

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Half Baked Quotes

Bitch! You know what I want! Hahahahaha! I wanna talk to Samson! Fly me to the moon like that bitch Alice Kramden! 'Cause it's hard being black and gifted! Sometimes I wanna throw it all down and get lifted!

Sir-Smoke-Alot

You ever see the back of a twenty dollar bill... on weed? Oh, there's some crazy shit, man. There's a dude in the bushes. Has he got a gun? I dunno! RED TEAM GO, RED TEAM GO.

Enhancement Smoker