It was the summer before 9th grade, and there was me, Brian, Kenny, Scarface, and of course the lovable Old James... hold on, wait a minute... Old James... Old James wasn't there... I don't even know nobody named Old James.

Thurgood Jenkins

This weed was the shiz-nittlebam snip-snap-sack.

Thurgood Jenkins

Yo, that shit must be good, B. My boy hasn't coughed like that since back in the day yo!


I've heard people say you don't get high the first time you smoke. Not me. No-o, not us. WE were really, REALLY high. We was to' up!

Thurgood Jenkins

Thurgood Jenkins: Yeah, get me a box of condoms, and, what was that thing we used to eat back in the day? What was it... oh yeah, pussy.
Kenny: You got it.

You have smoked yourself retarded.

Thurgood Jenkins

I got some bootie! I got some bootie! It was good, too.

Thurgood Jenkins

I love weed. LOVE IT. Probably always will! But not as much as I love pussy! The end.

Thurgood Jenkins

Thurgood Jenkins: Oh my goodness! Now that is a titty! That's what I'm talkin' 'bout!
Brian: Bully! That's a certified fully!

You guys gotta get me out of here! There's this guy Nasty Nate who wants my cocktail fruit, and everyone here likes fresh fish! Then The Squirrel Master came out of left field and told me I'm his bitch!


Squirrel Master: Back up Nasty Nate, this my bitch!
Nasty Nate: Better watch your back Fish! Squirrel Master ain't gonna be there for you all the time. Next time I come for you, I'm gonna want some cocktail... FRUIT!
Kenny: Here take it! I'm somebody's bitch!

Guy on the Couch: Hey, is it January?
Thurgood Jenkins: No, it's August.
Guy on the Couch: Really?

FREE Movie Newsletter

Half Baked Quotes

Bitch! You know what I want! Hahahahaha! I wanna talk to Samson! Fly me to the moon like that bitch Alice Kramden! 'Cause it's hard being black and gifted! Sometimes I wanna throw it all down and get lifted!


You ever see the back of a twenty dollar bill... on weed? Oh, there's some crazy shit, man. There's a dude in the bushes. Has he got a gun? I dunno! RED TEAM GO, RED TEAM GO.

Enhancement Smoker