I love weed. LOVE IT. Probably always will! But not as much as I love pussy! The end.

Thurgood Jenkins

Thurgood Jenkins: Oh my goodness! Now that is a titty! That's what I'm talkin' 'bout!
Brian: Bully! That's a certified fully!

You guys gotta get me out of here! There's this guy Nasty Nate who wants my cocktail fruit, and everyone here likes fresh fish! Then The Squirrel Master came out of left field and told me I'm his bitch!


Squirrel Master: Back up Nasty Nate, this my bitch!
Nasty Nate: Better watch your back Fish! Squirrel Master ain't gonna be there for you all the time. Next time I come for you, I'm gonna want some cocktail... FRUIT!
Kenny: Here take it! I'm somebody's bitch!

No. NO. NO! Devil man! Devil 6-6-6, the mark of the beast! No! Naughty! Naughty jungle of love!


Guy on the Couch: Hey, is it January?
Thurgood Jenkins: No, it's August.
Guy on the Couch: Really?

Brian: Lady, seven bucks for a used Kenny Loggins record? I'll give you five.
Record Store Customer: Ugh-huh, he autographed it himself.
Brian: All right, I'll give you four.

So, now we all live together in New York. I myself, am a master of the custodial arts. Or a janitor, if you wanna be a dick about it.

Thurgood Jenkins

Abba Zaba, you my only friend.

Thurgood Jenkins

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Half Baked Quotes

Bitch! You know what I want! Hahahahaha! I wanna talk to Samson! Fly me to the moon like that bitch Alice Kramden! 'Cause it's hard being black and gifted! Sometimes I wanna throw it all down and get lifted!


You ever see the back of a twenty dollar bill... on weed? Oh, there's some crazy shit, man. There's a dude in the bushes. Has he got a gun? I dunno! RED TEAM GO, RED TEAM GO.

Enhancement Smoker