Roy Eberhardt: We've got to stop this construction once and for all.
Mullet Fingers: We're the only ones who care.
Roy Eberhardt: We're the only ones that know!

Beatrice Leep: Hey, cowgirl.
Roy Eberhardt: Yeah?
Beatrice Leep: I'm really glad that... You know what, I'm just gonna call you "Roy" from now on. If that's all right with you.
Roy Eberhardt: And what's wrong with Ling Ho?
[She laughs and hits him with a pillow]

You've got to start thinking like an outlaw!

Mullet Fingers

Mother Paula's is going to be a shining example of my six-point economic development plan, bringing to Coconut Cove over *twelve* new jobs!

Mayor

[about Dana, after Roy broke his nose]
Roy Eberhardt: I wrote him a note, that should be the end of it.
Garrett: A note? That's adorable. What did you say? "I'm sorry I smoked you. Please don't break every bone in my body. Please leave me one good arm so I can feed myself"?
Roy Eberhardt: You're hysterical.

My mom told me Florida was so sunny and gorgeous, that everybody in America wanted to live there. Everybody except me. And as usual, I was out-voted.

Roy Eberhardt

[talking on the phone with the mayor's secretary] Mother Paula can do a lot of things, but she can't change the weather. That would be Mother Nature.

Beatrice Leep

I knew I couldn't spend the rest of the school year hiding from Beatrice the Bear. I had to take a stand, even if it meant getting decapitated with my own lunch tray.

Roy Eberhardt

Chuck Muckle: Mr. Branitt, what does one hundred pancake houses sound like to you?
Curly Branitt: It sounds like an awful lot of pancake houses.
Chuck Muckle: It will be a record! I will be the first regional manager in the history of Mother Paula's to reach one hundred pancake houses. And that is the stuff that food and beverage industry legends are made of! Ah... it is my dream. And you are responsible, Mr. Branitt, for making a tiny piece of that very big dream come true.

Chuck Muckle: What are you telling me, Mr. Branitt? Snakes scared your dogs away?
Curly Branitt: Well, these weren't just your ordinary snakes, Mr. Muckle. These was cottonmouths, and, you know, a cottonmouth will kill a dog pretty darn quick.
Chuck Muckle: Really? Can they kill a bulldozer?
Curly Branitt: Well... I guess not.

[teaching his marine studies class]
Mr. Ryan: So to answer your question, Pacific swells are usually a lot bigger than Atlantic swells. But remember: Kelly Slater is from Florida.

[Beatrice has run away from home, and revealed herself hiding under Roy's bed]
Roy Eberhardt: How long have you been here?
Beatrice Leep: Oh, don't worry. I kept my eyes closed while you put on your very colorful jammies.

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Hoot Quotes

Beatrice Leep: Hey, cowgirl.
Roy Eberhardt: Yeah?
Beatrice Leep: I'm really glad that... You know what, I'm just gonna call you "Roy" from now on. If that's all right with you.
Roy Eberhardt: And what's wrong with Ling Ho?
[She laughs and hits him with a pillow]

Roy Eberhardt: We've got to stop this construction once and for all.
Mullet Fingers: We're the only ones who care.
Roy Eberhardt: We're the only ones that know!