Nicholas Angel: What's with all the cake?
Inspector Frank Butterman: Oh, that's for constable Butterman's minor indiscretion.
Nicholas Angel: [concerned] What? For last night?
Inspector Frank Butterman: Oh no, the cake is punishment for misplacing his helmet last week. No, last night's antics will require something a little more serious.
Nicholas Angel: Well I should think so. What did you have in mind?
Inspector Frank Butterman: Well let's just say we won't be running short of Chunky Monkey for the next month.
Danny Butterman: [annoyed] Daaaaaad!

Danny Butterman: What about... 'Lethal Weapon'?
Nicholas Angel: No.
Danny Butterman: You've seen 'Die Hard', though?
Nicholas Angel: No.
Danny Butterman: 'Bad Boys II'?
Nicholas Angel: No.
Danny Butterman: You ain't seen 'Bad Boys II'?

Bring the noise!

Danny Butterman

Nicholas Angel: You're a doctor, deal with it!
Danny Butterman: Yeah, motherfucker!

Ever fired your gun in the air and yelled, 'Aaaaaaah?'

Danny Butterman

What's the matter, Danny? Never taken a shortcut before?
[proceeds to leap over a series of backyard fences]

Nicholas Angel

Nicholas Angel: I didn't mean to upset the apple cart.
DS Andy Cartwright: Oh yeah, cause we all sell apples around here, don't we?
Sergeant Turner: You do sell apples don't you?
DS Andy Cartwright: Yeah, and raspberries.

Danny Butterman: Point Break or Bad Boys II?
Nicholas Angel: Which one do you think I'll prefer?
Danny Butterman: No, I mean which one do you wanna watch first?

[Looking at a suspicious-looking passerby]
Nicholas Angel: All right, what about this guy? Ask yourself, why has he got his hat pulled down like that?
Danny Butterman: He's fuck-ugly.
Nicholas Angel: Or, he doesn't want you to see his face.
Danny Butterman: Yeah, it's 'cause he's fuck-ugly.

Danny Butterman: What's it like being stabbed?
Nicholas Angel: It was the single most painful experience of my life
Danny Butterman: [nodding] What's the second most painful?

I think you will find me a slasher... of prices!

Simon Skinner

Nicholas Angel: You don't mind a bit of manpower, do ya Doris?
PC Doris Thatcher: [laughing] Oh, cheeky bastard!

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Hot Fuzz Quotes

Danny Butterman: Do you want anything from the shop?
Nicholas Angel: Cornetto

Danny Butterman: So what made you want to become a policeman?
Nicholas Angel: Officer.
Danny Butterman: What made you want to become a policeman officer?
Nicholas Angel: I can't remember a time when I didn't want to be a police officer, except for the summer of 1979 when I wanted to be Kermit the frog. I remember when I was five, my uncle Derek bought me a police pedal car. There wasn't a minute of the day I spent out of that car. I went round - arresting kids much bigger than me. I got beaten up a lot, but it didn't stop me.
Danny Butterman: Man, he sounds like a great guy!
Nicholas Angel: Actually he was arrested for selling drugs to students, probably bought the pedal car with the proceeds.
Danny Butterman: What a cunt.
Nicholas Angel: Naturally, I never went near it again. I just left it there in the yard to gather rust. But I never lost the profound sense of right and wrong I felt behind the wheel of that pedal car. And I always wanted to be a police officer, from that moment on.
Danny Butterman: Oh. Shame really...
Nicholas Angel: How so?
Danny Butterman: I think you would have made a great Muppet...