Topper Harley: Colonel, who are they?
Col. Denton Walters: She's CIA. The other man's an extra.

Rabinowitz: What are you reading?
Topper: Great Expectations.
Rabinowitz: Is it any good?
Topper: It's not what I'd hoped for.

These men have taken a supreme vow of celibacy, like their fathers, and their fathers before them...

Topper Harley

It seems like only yesterday I was strafing so many of your homes. Here I am today, begging you not to make such good cars.

President Thomas 'Tug' Benson

President Thomas 'Tug' Benson: Cookie?
Col. Denton Walters: No, thank you, sir.
President Thomas 'Tug' Benson: Young lady?
Michelle Rodham Huddleston: No, thank you, sir.
President Thomas 'Tug' Benson: No, I was just offering him a young lady.

Topper Harley: Ramada, I want to be with you. I want to hold you. I want to meet your parents and pet your dog...
Ramada Rodham Hayman: My parents are dead, Topper. My dog ate them.

Topper Harley: President Benson.
President Thomas 'Tug' Benson: No you're not. I've seen him on TV. An older man, about my height.
Michelle Huddleson: Mr. President, this is Topper Harley.
President Thomas 'Tug' Benson: Topper Harley, of course, the son I never had. No wonder I didn't recognize you then.

News Reporter: President Benson, where's your first lady?
President Thomas 'Tug' Benson: I don't know. I've had lots of women. Lost my flower at the age of 15. I can't keep track.

Of all the missions in all the jungles you had to walk into this one.

Topper Harley

Topper Harley: You're joking.
Ramada Rodham Hayman: I'm not.
Topper Harley: You've got to be.
Ramada Rodham Hayman: If I was joking I would say: "A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Why the long face?'"

Every time I give an order, it gets screwed up! Plan a reception, wrong hors d'oeuvres. Appoint an ambassador, he leaves the country.

President Thomas 'Tug' Benson

President Thomas 'Tug' Benson: Here's the target area.
Gerou: That's Minnesota, sir.
President Thomas 'Tug' Benson: Damn it, man, that's the genius of my plan. Why go over there to fight? We can do it right here at home, and get in some good fishing while we're at it.
Gerou: Sir, the enemy is over there.
President Thomas 'Tug' Benson: Then we'll fly them over here. Their families too. We'll teach them to skate... Do I have to think of everything?

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Hot Shots! Part Deux Quotes

These men have taken a supreme vow of celibacy, like their fathers, and their fathers before them...

Topper Harley

I'm not saying I don't trust you, and I'm not saying I do. But I don't.

Topper Harley