Jacob [scoping out the ski resort]: " I'm gonna make a prediction right now: One of us is gonna start writing a novel, and then we all get snowed in, and then Lou's gonna axe-murder all of us."

"All right, I write Stargate fan fiction, so I think I'm know what I'm talkin' about right now."

Jacob

"That's probably Ashton Kolchak right now, tellin' us we've been 'punk'd' or whatever."

Adam [after a knock on the door]

"It must be some kinda... hot tub time machine." [Looks directly into the camera]

Nick

Dr. Jeff [asking Adam and Nick about Lou]: "You are his friends, right?"
[Awkward silence]
Nick: "It's like that friend who's an asshole, but he's our asshole."

Adam [commenting on young Nick's haircut]: "You look like Kid 'n Play."
Nick: "That's actually two people."

Jacob: [to Lou] I have some Ativan but it's different.
Lou: Well, let's stick it up our asses!
Jacob: It's not a suppository!
Lou: It doesn't matter. You crush it up, put it in a paper towel, run it under some warm water, and you stick it right up your ass. That works!

Adam: "If you don't like it, you can move back in with your mom."
Jacob: "No, I can't. Actually, she moved in her new boyfriend. I will not be anywhere near that."
Adam: "She moved in with him?"
Jacob: "Yeah, the taxidermist. The taxidermist is stuffing my mother."

"You're never gonna believe where I'm callin' you from, man. I'm on a mountain, on my phone!"

Jacob: "Guys! This is scientifically possible."
Lou: "Oh, my god. Okay, Professor Hawking, tell me in your robot voice how this is scientifically possible."

Lou: "Hey, man, can I ask you a question? Does this seem like it's all about Adam again?"
Nick: "Yeah--just like Cincinnati."
Adam: "You're gonna bring that up?"
Lou: "We said we weren't gonna talk about Cincinnati ever, okay?"
Jacob: "Is this why you have that shoebox in your closet that says 'Cincinnati'?"
Adam: "Yeah."
Lou: "What?! That's f***in' admissible!"
Nick: "You keep it in the closet?!"
Adam: "What am I gonna f***in' do with it? You can't bury those things."
Nick: "You wrote 'Cincinnati' on it?!"
Adam: "How do I know which one it's supposed to be?!"
Jacob: " ... Is it a fetus?"

"I don't like you takin' liberties with my dick."

Nick [to Lou, regarding an oral sex bet]

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Hot Tub Time Machine Quotes

Dr. Jeff [asking Adam and Nick about Lou]: "You are his friends, right?"
[Awkward silence]
Nick: "It's like that friend who's an asshole, but he's our asshole."

Jacob: "For your information, I've had a lot of girlfriends. Hot ones."
Lou: "You have had lots of boyfriends. Gay ones."

Hot Tub Time Machine Review

When you go see a movie like Hot Tub Time Machine, you have to be willing to put certain laws of reality aside and suspend your...

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