Jacob [discussing "the butterfly effect"]: "... like, you step on a bug, and the f***in' Internet's never invented."
Lou: "Oh, then you have to talk to girls with your mouth."

"I seriously almost passed out, you're such a dork."

Lou

"All right, I write Stargate fan fiction, so I think I'm know what I'm talkin' about right now."

Jacob

Jacob: "Guys! This is scientifically possible."
Lou: "Oh, my god. Okay, Professor Hawking, tell me in your robot voice how this is scientifically possible."

Adam [commenting on young Nick's haircut]: "You look like Kid 'n Play."
Nick: "That's actually two people."

"It must be some kinda... hot tub time machine." [Looks directly into the camera]

Nick

"That's probably Ashton Kolchak right now, tellin' us we've been 'punk'd' or whatever."

Adam [after a knock on the door]

"You're never gonna believe where I'm callin' you from, man. I'm on a mountain, on my phone!"

"I want an escort to escort our penises into her vagina."

Lou [on phone to an escort service]

Jacob [scoping out the ski resort]: " I'm gonna make a prediction right now: One of us is gonna start writing a novel, and then we all get snowed in, and then Lou's gonna axe-murder all of us."

Jacob: "For your information, I've had a lot of girlfriends. Hot ones."
Lou: "You have had lots of boyfriends. Gay ones."

"I didn't f***in' try and kill myself! If I wanted to kill myself, I'd f***in' kill myself. I'd be awesome at it. Shotgun to the dick."

Lou

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Hot Tub Time Machine Quotes

Dr. Jeff [asking Adam and Nick about Lou]: "You are his friends, right?"
[Awkward silence]
Nick: "It's like that friend who's an asshole, but he's our asshole."

Jacob: "For your information, I've had a lot of girlfriends. Hot ones."
Lou: "You have had lots of boyfriends. Gay ones."

Hot Tub Time Machine Review

When you go see a movie like Hot Tub Time Machine, you have to be willing to put certain laws of reality aside and suspend your...

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