You're my ambassador of quawn, man.

Rod Tidwell

I've had three lovers in the past four years, and they all ran a distant second to a good book and a warm bath.

Dorothy

Rod Tidwell: I feel for you, man. But a real man wouldn't shoplift the pootie from a single mom.
Jerry Maguire: I didn't shoplift the pootie.
[Rod gives him a long Look]
Jerry Maguire: All right. I shoplifted the pootie.

Jerry Maguire: The fuckin zoo is closed, Ray.
Ray: You said fuck.
Jerry Maguire: Uh... yeah... I...
Ray: Don't worry. I won't tell.

Don't ever stop fucking me!

Avery Bishop

I'm still sort of moved by your "My word is stronger than oak" thing.

Ray: D'you know that the human head weighs 8 pounds?
Jerry Maguire: Did you know that Troy Aikman, in only six years, has passed for 16,303 yards?
Ray: D'you know that bees and dogs can smell fear?
Jerry Maguire: Did you know that the career record for hits is 4,256 by Pete Rose who is NOT in the Hall of Fame?
Ray: D'you know that my next door neighbor has three rabbits?
Jerry Maguire: I... I can't compete with that!

If you ever want me to be with another woman for you, I'd do it. It's not something I'm interested in. Once, yeah, it seemed normal, but it was just a phase, a college thing, like torn Levi's or law school for you. Would you like something from the kitchen? I'm gonna get some fruit.

Avery Bishop

Jerry Maguire: How's your head?
Rod Tidwell: Bubblicious.

Dorothy: He's coming over.
Laurel: Tonight?
Dorothy: He just lost his best client. I invited the guy over.
Laurel: Dorothy, this is not a guy. It's a syndrome. Early mid-life. Hanging on to the bottom wrong. "Dear God, don't let me be alone or I call my newly long suffering assistent without medical for company settlement." If now all you still want is him to come over, I'm not saying anything.
Dorothy: Honey, he's engaged.

Rod Tidwell: Who's your motherfucker?
Jerry Maguire: You're my motherfucker!

You are hanging on by a very thin thread and I dig that about you!

Rod Tidwell

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Jerry Maguire Quotes

Don't ever stop fucking me!

Avery Bishop

You are hanging on by a very thin thread and I dig that about you!

Rod Tidwell