I will not rest until I have you holding a Coke, wearing your own shoe, playing a Sega game *featuring you*, while singing your own song in a new commercial, *starring you*, broadcast during the Superbowl, in a game that you are winning, and I will not *sleep* until that happens. I'll give you fifteen minutes to call me back.

Laurel: You fuck this up, I'll kill you!
Jerry Maguire: I'm glad we had this talk.

Jerry Maguire: How's your head?
Rod Tidwell: Bubblicious.

If you ever want me to be with another woman for you, I'd do it. It's not something I'm interested in. Once, yeah, it seemed normal, but it was just a phase, a college thing, like torn Levi's or law school for you. Would you like something from the kitchen? I'm gonna get some fruit.

Avery Bishop

Ray: D'you know that the human head weighs 8 pounds?
Jerry Maguire: Did you know that Troy Aikman, in only six years, has passed for 16,303 yards?
Ray: D'you know that bees and dogs can smell fear?
Jerry Maguire: Did you know that the career record for hits is 4,256 by Pete Rose who is NOT in the Hall of Fame?
Ray: D'you know that my next door neighbor has three rabbits?
Jerry Maguire: I... I can't compete with that!

Dorothy: He's coming over.
Laurel: Tonight?
Dorothy: He just lost his best client. I invited the guy over.
Laurel: Dorothy, this is not a guy. It's a syndrome. Early mid-life. Hanging on to the bottom wrong. "Dear God, don't let me be alone or I call my newly long suffering assistent without medical for company settlement." If now all you still want is him to come over, I'm not saying anything.
Dorothy: Honey, he's engaged.

Rod Tidwell: Who's your motherfucker?
Jerry Maguire: You're my motherfucker!

I've had three lovers in the past four years, and they all ran a distant second to a good book and a warm bath.


Maybe love shouldn't be such hard work.


Jump in my nightmare, the water's warm!

I am out here for you. You don't know what it's like to be ME out here for YOU. It is an up-at-dawn, pride-swallowing siege that I will never fully tell you about, ok?

Jerry Maguire: What do you want from me? My soul?
Dorothy: Why not? I deserve that much.

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Jerry Maguire Quotes

Don't ever stop fucking me!

Avery Bishop

You are hanging on by a very thin thread and I dig that about you!

Rod Tidwell