Some corn stalks were broken and I tried to fix them.

Ishmael

The world can really kick your ass. I only have a VAGUE recollection of when it wasn't kickin' mine.

Roy

Ishmael: Okay, you want to bowl for some big money, eh? But I'll lose my entire bonus check because I'm so *bombed*.
McKnight Bowl Bartender: You get that way from ginger ale?
Roy: Nah, he was sniffing glue in the parking lot.

What is it about good sex that makes me have to crap? You really jarred something loose tiger.

Landlady

Do me a favor, will you? Would you mind washing off that perfume before you come back to our table?

Ernie McCracken

One more time, sweetness.

Ernie McCracken

Sometimes a bowler just has to face the music.

Ernie McCracken

Run for the hills everybody, there's a giant shit-cloud coming.

Ishmael

Ernie McCracken: It all comes down to this roll. Roy Munson, a man-child, with a dream to topple bowling giant Ernie McCracken. If he strikes, he's the 1979 Odor-Eaters Champion. He's got one foot in the frying pan and one in the pressure cooker. Believe me, as a bowler, I know that right about now, your bladder feels like an overstuffed vacuum cleaner bag and your butt is kinda like an about-to-explode bratwurst.
Roy: Hey. Do you mind? I wasn't talking when you were bowling.
Ernie McCracken: Was I talking out loud? Was I? Sorry. Good luck.

You're on a gravy train with biscuit wheels.

Ernie McCracken

Roy: Thomas can raise a barn, but can he pick up a 7-10 split?
Ishmael: God blessed my brother to be a good carpenter. It's okay.
Roy: Yeah, well he blessed you, too, and I'll give you a hint what it is. It's round, has three holes, and you put your fingers into it.
Ishmael: You leave Rebecca out of this.

Take that, you freaky piece of shit. You don't mow another guy's lawn.

Roy

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Kingpin Quotes

What is it about good sex that makes me have to crap? You really jarred something loose tiger.

Landlady

Ishmael: Whatcha doin', Mr. Munson?
Roy: Flossin'.
Ishmael: Flossin? Where the hell did I get "Munson"?
Roy: The name's Munson, what I'm doin' is flossin'.