Some corn stalks were broken and I tried to fix them.


Some of the dresses ya' got, ya' need two hairdos to wear.


Ishmael: You been drinking, Mr. Munson?
Roy: I don't puke when I drink. I puke when I don't.

Mr. Boorg: How many children do you have?
Roy: None that I know of. I mean, I'm unable to have children. Nasty cheese grating accident as a boy.

Ishmael: You should try to quit. They say its bad for your heart, your lungs. It quickens the aging process.
Roy: Who's done more research than the good people at the American Tobacco Industry? They say its harmless. Why would they lie? If you're dead, you can't smoke.

Claudia: It must be hard to spank your monkey.
Ishmael: You have a monkey?

Take that, you freaky piece of shit. You don't mow another guy's lawn.


Roy: Thomas can raise a barn, but can he pick up a 7-10 split?
Ishmael: God blessed my brother to be a good carpenter. It's okay.
Roy: Yeah, well he blessed you, too, and I'll give you a hint what it is. It's round, has three holes, and you put your fingers into it.
Ishmael: You leave Rebecca out of this.

Sometimes a bowler just has to face the music.

Ernie McCracken

One more time, sweetness.

Ernie McCracken

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Kingpin Quotes

Ernie McCracken: It all comes down to this roll. Roy Munson, a man-child, with a dream to topple bowling giant Ernie McCracken. If he strikes, he's the 1979 Odor-Eaters Champion. He's got one foot in the frying pan and one in the pressure cooker. Believe me, as a bowler, I know that right about now, your bladder feels like an overstuffed vacuum cleaner bag and your butt is kinda like an about-to-explode bratwurst.
Roy: Hey. Do you mind? I wasn't talking when you were bowling.
Ernie McCracken: Was I talking out loud? Was I? Sorry. Good luck.

You're on a gravy train with biscuit wheels.

Ernie McCracken