Sometimes a bowler just has to face the music.

Ernie McCracken

One more time, sweetness.

Ernie McCracken

Do me a favor, will you? Would you mind washing off that perfume before you come back to our table?

Ernie McCracken

What is it about good sex that makes me have to crap? You really jarred something loose tiger.

Landlady

Ishmael: Okay, you want to bowl for some big money, eh? But I'll lose my entire bonus check because I'm so *bombed*.
McKnight Bowl Bartender: You get that way from ginger ale?
Roy: Nah, he was sniffing glue in the parking lot.

The world can really kick your ass. I only have a VAGUE recollection of when it wasn't kickin' mine.

Roy

Roy: How about a gross of fluorescent condoms for the the novelty machine in the men's room? I mean, those are fun even when you're alone. We're talkin' the hula hoop of the nineties.
Lancaster Bowl Manager: Look, I've told you. We don't need nuthin'. We don't even have a novelty machine in the men's room anymore.
Roy: And you call yourselves a bowling alley?

Some corn stalks were broken and I tried to fix them.

Ishmael

Some of the dresses ya' got, ya' need two hairdos to wear.

Roy

ESPN Announcer: So Roy, where have you been for the last fifteen years?
Roy: Well, I uh, well, ya see, I uh... Drinking. Lot a drinking.
ESPN Announcer: I see. Well, are you still drinking?
Roy: No. I uh... I put... uh... Why, you buying?

FREE Movie Newsletter

Kingpin Quotes

Mr. Boorg: How many children do you have?
Roy: None that I know of. I mean, I'm unable to have children. Nasty cheese grating accident as a boy.

Neighbor: Hey Roy, can you get sick from drinking piss?
Roy: I think you can.
Neighbor: Even if its your own?