Check out these Knocked Up quotes and see how the Seth Rogen-Kathrine Heigl comedy charmed so many.

Oh, no, we're not asking you to lose weight. That would be illegal. We just want you to be healthy, by eating less. So go home, weigh yourself on a scale, write than down. Then subtract 20 from that number. And weigh that. Yeah.


Jack: We decided that, we want you to be on camera.
Alison Scott: Oh my god, really?
Jill: I know, I was so surprised too.

Oops. That's not your vagina. That's your asshole.

Female Doctor

Martin: Whatever. I'm glad I'm not a Jew.
Ben Stone: So are we. You weren't chosen for a reason.

Alison Scott: I'm sorry I told you to fuck your bong.
Ben Stone: It's okay... I didn't.

Thanks for the free money, Bitch.


If any of us get laid tonight, it's because of Eric Bana in "Munich."

Ben Stone

Alison Scott: Hey...
Ben Stone: I'm naked.
Alison Scott: Yeah.
Ben Stone: Did we have sex?
Alison Scott: Yes.
Ben Stone: Nice.

I live in your phone!

Ben Stone

[to bartender] You're going to be embarrassed when you realize I'm Wilmer Valderrama.

Ben Stone

Your face looks like Robin Williams' knuckles.

Ben Stone

Tell him not to jerk off with a noose around his neck - it's dangerous.

Knocked Up is from Judd Apatow and truly showed that the man has the comedic midas touch. It stars Seth Rogen and Katherine Heigl.

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Knocked Up Quotes

Don't let the door hit you in the vagina on the way out!

Fantasy baseball player

Jay: Man, my balls are shaved, my pubes are trimmed, I'm ready to fuckin' rock this shit!
Jonah: What the fuck, man? If I go in there and see fuckin' pubes sprinkled on the toilet seat, I'm gonna fuckin' loose my mind! Last time I went to the bathroom, Jay, I took a shit and my shit looked like a fuckin' stuffed animal!