Thanks for the free money, Bitch.

Jay

I'm going to murder-ball you!

Jonah

[quoting Back to the Future] Where we're going we don't need roads.

Pete

Debbie: I gotta go, Sadie might have the chicken pox.
Jason: I had the chicken pox three times. I have no immunity to it.
Ben Stone: We don't have the heart to tell him it's herpes.

Well, I'm gonna go make a protein shake.

Jason

Alison Scott: I'm pregnant.
Ben Stone: Fuck off!
Alison Scott: What?
Ben Stone: What?

Jay: Man, my balls are shaved, my pubes are trimmed, I'm ready to fuckin' rock this shit!
Jonah: What the fuck, man? If I go in there and see fuckin' pubes sprinkled on the toilet seat, I'm gonna fuckin' loose my mind! Last time I went to the bathroom, Jay, I took a shit and my shit looked like a fuckin' stuffed animal!

Pete: There are five chairs in this hotel room!
Ben Stone: That's WAY too many chairs for one hotel room!

Jay: I'm going to be there to rear your child.
Jason: You hear that, Ben? Don't let him near the kid, he wants to rear your child!

You look like Babe Ruth's gay brother... Gabe Ruth.

Pete

Don't let the door hit you in the vagina on the way out!

Fantasy baseball player

Your face looks like Robin Williams' knuckles.

Ben Stone

FREE Movie Newsletter

Knocked Up Quotes

You look like Babe Ruth's gay brother... Gabe Ruth.

Pete

Jay: Man, my balls are shaved, my pubes are trimmed, I'm ready to fuckin' rock this shit!
Jonah: What the fuck, man? If I go in there and see fuckin' pubes sprinkled on the toilet seat, I'm gonna fuckin' loose my mind! Last time I went to the bathroom, Jay, I took a shit and my shit looked like a fuckin' stuffed animal!