Oops. That's not your vagina. That's your asshole.

Female Doctor

Alison Scott: I'm sorry I told you to fuck your bong.
Ben Stone: It's okay... I didn't.

Fuck you hormones!

Ben Stone

Tell him not to jerk off with a noose around his neck - it's dangerous.

Jonah

Alison Scott: I'm pregnant.
Ben Stone: With a baby?

Alison Scott: Hey...
Ben Stone: I'm naked.
Alison Scott: Yeah.
Ben Stone: Did we have sex?
Alison Scott: Yes.
Ben Stone: Nice.

He has man boobs. That means he has bad jeans.

Debbie

[during earthquake] FUCK ME!

Ben Stone

Oh, no, we're not asking you to lose weight. That would be illegal. We just want you to be healthy, by eating less. So go home, weigh yourself on a scale, write than down. Then subtract 20 from that number. And weigh that. Yeah.

Jill

Ben Stone: Our baby is going to be French Canadian.
Alison Scott: And a little bit Spanish?
Ben Stone: Yeah, I'm not very good with impressions.

[to Alison] I'm sorry I'm sweating on you...

Ben Stone

Pete: You mean like Mr. Skin?
Ben Stone: Who's Mr. Skin?
Pete: You know, Mr. Skin.

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Knocked Up Quotes

You look like Babe Ruth's gay brother... Gabe Ruth.

Pete

Jay: Man, my balls are shaved, my pubes are trimmed, I'm ready to fuckin' rock this shit!
Jonah: What the fuck, man? If I go in there and see fuckin' pubes sprinkled on the toilet seat, I'm gonna fuckin' loose my mind! Last time I went to the bathroom, Jay, I took a shit and my shit looked like a fuckin' stuffed animal!