[to Alison] Are you the lady who doesn't realize she's pregnant until she's sitting on the toilet and the kid pops out?

Debbie

[to bartender] You're going to be embarrassed when you realize I'm Wilmer Valderrama.

Ben Stone

Jack: We decided that, we want you to be on camera.
Alison Scott: Oh my god, really?
Jill: I know, I was so surprised too.

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Knocked Up Quotes

Well, I'm gonna go make a protein shake.

Jason

Don't let the door hit you in the vagina on the way out!

Fantasy baseball player