Now that's how you get pink eye.

Ben Stone

Fuck you hormones!

Ben Stone

He's playing fetch... with my kids... he's treating my kids like they're dogs.


Oops. That's not your vagina. That's your asshole.

Female Doctor

She-lika-da-way your dick taste!


Tell him not to jerk off with a noose around his neck - it's dangerous.


Don't let the door hit you in the vagina on the way out!

Fantasy baseball player

Pete: There are five chairs in this hotel room!
Ben Stone: That's WAY too many chairs for one hotel room!

Ben Stone: Do you want to do it doggie style?
Alison Scott: You're not going to fuck me like a dog.
Ben Stone: It's doggie style. We don't have to go outside or anything.

I'm going to murder-ball you!


[to Alison] I'm sorry I'm sweating on you...

Ben Stone

He has man boobs. That means he has bad jeans.

Knocked Up is from Judd Apatow and truly showed that the man has the comedic midas touch. It stars Seth Rogen and Katherine Heigl.

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Knocked Up Quotes

You look like Babe Ruth's gay brother... Gabe Ruth.


Jay: Man, my balls are shaved, my pubes are trimmed, I'm ready to fuckin' rock this shit!
Jonah: What the fuck, man? If I go in there and see fuckin' pubes sprinkled on the toilet seat, I'm gonna fuckin' loose my mind! Last time I went to the bathroom, Jay, I took a shit and my shit looked like a fuckin' stuffed animal!