Fuck you hormones!

Ben Stone

Your face looks like Robin Williams' knuckles.

Ben Stone

[to bartender] You're going to be embarrassed when you realize I'm Wilmer Valderrama.

Ben Stone

I live in your phone!

Ben Stone

Alison Scott: Hey...
Ben Stone: I'm naked.
Alison Scott: Yeah.
Ben Stone: Did we have sex?
Alison Scott: Yes.
Ben Stone: Nice.

If any of us get laid tonight, it's because of Eric Bana in "Munich."

Ben Stone

Thanks for the free money, Bitch.

Jay

Alison Scott: I'm sorry I told you to fuck your bong.
Ben Stone: It's okay... I didn't.

Martin: Whatever. I'm glad I'm not a Jew.
Ben Stone: So are we. You weren't chosen for a reason.

Jack: We decided that, we want you to be on camera.
Alison Scott: Oh my god, really?
Jill: I know, I was so surprised too.

Oh, no, we're not asking you to lose weight. That would be illegal. We just want you to be healthy, by eating less. So go home, weigh yourself on a scale, write than down. Then subtract 20 from that number. And weigh that. Yeah.

Jill

Alison Scott: I'm pregnant.
Ben Stone: With a baby?

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Knocked Up Quotes

Well, I'm gonna go make a protein shake.

Jason

Don't let the door hit you in the vagina on the way out!

Fantasy baseball player