[to bartender] You're going to be embarrassed when you realize I'm Wilmer Valderrama.

Ben Stone

I live in your phone!

Ben Stone

Alison Scott: Hey...
Ben Stone: I'm naked.
Alison Scott: Yeah.
Ben Stone: Did we have sex?
Alison Scott: Yes.
Ben Stone: Nice.

If any of us get laid tonight, it's because of Eric Bana in "Munich."

Ben Stone

Thanks for the free money, Bitch.

Jay

Alison Scott: I'm sorry I told you to fuck your bong.
Ben Stone: It's okay... I didn't.

Martin: Whatever. I'm glad I'm not a Jew.
Ben Stone: So are we. You weren't chosen for a reason.

Jack: We decided that, we want you to be on camera.
Alison Scott: Oh my god, really?
Jill: I know, I was so surprised too.

Jay: I'm going to be there to rear your child.
Jason: You hear that, Ben? Don't let him near the kid, he wants to rear your child!

Oh, no, we're not asking you to lose weight. That would be illegal. We just want you to be healthy, by eating less. So go home, weigh yourself on a scale, write than down. Then subtract 20 from that number. And weigh that. Yeah.

Jill

Alison Scott: I'm pregnant.
Ben Stone: With a baby?

Ben Stone: Do you want to do it doggie style?
Alison Scott: You're not going to fuck me like a dog.
Ben Stone: It's doggie style. We don't have to go outside or anything.

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Knocked Up Quotes

You look like Babe Ruth's gay brother... Gabe Ruth.

Pete

Jay: Man, my balls are shaved, my pubes are trimmed, I'm ready to fuckin' rock this shit!
Jonah: What the fuck, man? If I go in there and see fuckin' pubes sprinkled on the toilet seat, I'm gonna fuckin' loose my mind! Last time I went to the bathroom, Jay, I took a shit and my shit looked like a fuckin' stuffed animal!