Pete: I'm gonna throw you in my DeLorean and gun it to 88.
Ben Stone: Vrrooooom!

[quoting Back to the Future] Where we're going we don't need roads.


Jay: Man, my balls are shaved, my pubes are trimmed, I'm ready to fuckin' rock this shit!
Jonah: What the fuck, man? If I go in there and see fuckin' pubes sprinkled on the toilet seat, I'm gonna fuckin' loose my mind! Last time I went to the bathroom, Jay, I took a shit and my shit looked like a fuckin' stuffed animal!

She-lika-da-way your dick taste!


I'm going to murder-ball you!


[to Alison] I'm sorry I'm sweating on you...

Ben Stone

He's playing fetch... with my kids... he's treating my kids like they're dogs.


Ben Stone: Our baby is going to be French Canadian.
Alison Scott: And a little bit Spanish?
Ben Stone: Yeah, I'm not very good with impressions.

Don't let the door hit you in the vagina on the way out!

Fantasy baseball player

Pete: There are five chairs in this hotel room!
Ben Stone: That's WAY too many chairs for one hotel room!

He has man boobs. That means he has bad jeans.


Alison Scott: I'm pregnant.
Ben Stone: You mean, with emotion?

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Knocked Up Quotes

You look like Babe Ruth's gay brother... Gabe Ruth.


Tell him not to jerk off with a noose around his neck - it's dangerous.