Oh, my God, the bend and snap works every time!

Maurice

Elle: Don't ask.
Emmett: Wasn't gonna.

Elle: You're beaking up with me because I'm too... blonde?
Warner Huntington III: Well, no. That's not entirely true...
Elle: Then what? My boobs are too big?

Professor Callahan: Do you think she woke up one morning and said: I think I'll go to law school today.

So what's a girl to do? He's a guy who followed his pecker to greener pastures. I'm a middle aged, high school drop out with stretch marks and a fat ass.

Paulette

Brooke: You know a Delta Nu would never sleep with a man who wears a thong.
Elle: Never!
Brooke: I just liked to watch him change the filter.

There's nothing I love better than a dumb blonde with Daddy's plastic.

Boutique Saleswoman

Margot: Here, you're gonna need this.
Elle: Your scrunchie?
Margot: My LUCKY scrunchie. It helped me pass Spanish.
Serena: You passed Spanish because you gave Professor Montoya a lap dance after the final.
Margot: Yeah... Luckily!

Warner Huntington III: You got into Harvard Law?
Elle: What? Like, it's hard?

Elle: Oh Warner, do you remember when we spent those four amazing hours in the hot tub together after winter formal?
Warner Huntington III: Uhh, ye... no
Elle: Well this is so much better than that. Excuse me, I have some shopping to do.

Elle: Excuse me. [slaps David] Why didn't you call me? We spent a beautiful night together and I haven't heard from you since.
David: I'm sorry?
Elle: Sorry for what? For breaking my heart, or for giving me the greatest pleasure I've ever known and just taking it away?
David: Both?
Elle: Well, forget it. I've spent too much time crying over you. [leaves]
Girl: [to David] So, when did you wanna go out?

Emmett: I can't believe you just called me a butthead. I don't think anybody has called me a butthead since the 9th grade.
Elle: Maybe not to your face.

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Legally Blonde Quotes

If you're going to let one stupid prick ruin your life... you're not the girl I thought you were.

Professor Stromwell

The rules of hair care are simple and finite. Any Cosmo girl would have known.

Elle

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