Miranda: Ummm that was incredible. Was it good for you?
Fletcher: I've had better.

Fletcher: Is this guy right for you? I mean, he's just so, not me!
Audrey: Yes, that's one of his best qualities.
Fletcher: Yeah, but he's kind of, magoo... I'm sorry.
Audrey: You're wrong! I mean, sometimes, maybe yes, he is a litte bit...
Fletcher: Magoo!
Audrey: Yes.

[having farted in an elevator] It was me!


Greta, please! I'm on my knees in a $900 suit.


Mr. Reede, I'm tired and very cranky!

Judge Stevens

Judge Stevens: Mr. Reede, do we have a setlement?
Fletcher: Noooo!

Judge Stevens: Mr. Reede, one more word out of you, and I will hold you in contempt!
Fletcher: I hold *myself* in contempt! Why should you be any different?

Max Reede: Is wrestling real?
Fletcher: In the Olympics, yes. On channel 23, no.

Jane: Do you like my new dress?
Fletcher: What ever takes the focus off your head!

Fletcher: [Fletcher is trying to convince Greta to believe her about Max's wish]
Fletcher: You don't believe me, do you?
Greta: Of course not
Fletcher: [laughs dryly] Hahaha. How ironic. Okay, ask me something. Ask me something which you think I lied about.
Greta: Okay. Remember a few months' back when I asked you about a raise...?
Fletcher: Forget it. I don't wanna do this!

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Liar, Liar Quotes

The pen is blue, the pen is blue, the goddamn pen is blue!


Fletcher: Your honor, I object!
Judge: Why?
Fletcher: Because it's devastating to my case!
Judge: Overruled.
Fletcher: Good call!