Olive: Do you think there's a Heaven?
Frank: Well, it's hard to say, Olive. I don't think anyone knows for sure.
Olive: I know, but what do you think?
Frank: Well... um... uh...
Olive: I think there is.
Frank: Think I'll get in?
Olive: Yeah.
Frank: Promise?
Olive: Yeah.

Olive: Mom? Dad?
Richard: [1/2 asleep] What is it?
Olive: Grandpa won't wake up.

Pageant Assistant: Are you authorized to be backstage?
Dwayne: [without stopping] No.

Frank: I take it you didn't like it at Sunset Manor?
Sheryl: Frank...
Grandpa: Are you kidding me? It was a fucking paradise. They got pool... They got golf... Now I'm stuck with Mr. Happy here, sleeping on a fucking sofa. Look, I know you are a homo and all, but maybe you can appreciate this. You go to one of those places, there's four women for every guy. Can you imagine what that's like?
Frank: You must have been very busy.
Grandpa: Ho oh. I had second degree burns on my johnson, I kid you not.
Frank: Really?
Grandpa: Forget about it.

Sweet sweetness!

Richard

Olive: Why were you unhappy?
Frank: I fell in love with someone...
Grandpa [blows nose loudly]
Frank: ... who didn't love me back.
Olive: Who?
Frank: One of my grad students. I was very much in love with him.
Olive: Him? You fell in love with a boy?
Frank: Very much so.
Olive: That's silly.
Grandpa: There's another word for it...

Frank: Can I get you anything from inside?
Grandpa: Yeah, get me some porn. And get some real nasty stuff, none of that airbrushed shit. And here, get something for yourself. Get yourself a fag rag.

Olive: I'd like to dedicate this to my grandpa, who showed me these moves.
Pageant MC: Aww, that is so sweet.
[Audience applauds]
Pageant MC: Is he here? Where's your grandpa right now?
Olive: In the trunk of our car.

We were driving for six or seven hours... and we thought he was napping...

Richard

Officer: Okay, you're out. On the condition that you never enter your daughter in a beauty pageant in the state of California, ever again. Ever.
Frank: I think we can live with that.

Frank: [recounting his suicide attempt] But he went and fell in love with a colleague of mine; Larry Sugarman, the number 2 expert on Marcel Proust in America.
Richard: Who's number 1?
Frank: That would be me, Richard.

[after finding out he is color blind and can't fly jets] FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!

Dwayne

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Little Miss Sunshine Quotes

Listen to me. I got no reason to lie to you. Don't make the same mistakes I made when I was young. Fuck a lotta women, kid. Not just one woman, a lotta women.

Grandpa

Sheryl: He was snorting heroin.
Frank: You were snorting heroin?
Grandpa: [to Dwayne] Let me tell you, don't do that stuff. When you're young, you're crazy to do that shit.
Frank: Well what about you?
Grandpa: What about me? When you're old, you're crazy not to do it.