Soap: Rory Breaker? That psychotic black dwarf with an Afro?
Tom: That would be the same man, yes.

[haggling with Tom]
Nick the Greek: What else does it come with?
Tom: It comes with a gold-plated Rolls Royce, as long as you pay for it.

Lock, stock, the fuckin' lot.

Barry the Baptist

Can we lock up and get drunk now?

Eddie

Rory Breaker: What did you shoot him with, an air rifle?
Winston: Look, we grow weed. We're not mercenaries.
Rory Breaker: You don't say.

Barry the Baptist: Fucking northern monkeys!
Lenny: I hate these fucking southern fairies!

"Hatchet" Harry: You must be Eddie, J.D.'s son.
Eddie: Yeah. You must be Harry. Sorry, didn't know your father.
"Hatchet" Harry: Never mind son, you just might meet him if you carry on like that.

The entire British empire was built on cups of tea, and if you think I'm going to war without one, mate, you're mistaken.

Eddie

Bacon: What's that?
Samoan Joe's Barman: It's a cocktail. You asked for a cocktail.
Bacon: No. I asked you to give me a refreshing drink. I wasn't expecting a fucking rainforest! You could fall in love with an orangutan in that!
Samoan Joe's Barman: You want a pint, you go to the pub.
Bacon: I thought this was a pub!
Samoan Joes Barman: It's a Samoan pub.

Eddie: Twenty grand, open.
"Hatchet" Harry: Thirty thousand. Back to you, already-Eddie.
Eddie: Fifty grand.
"Hatchet" Harry: Eighty grand.
Eddie: One hundred grand.
Player: Whoa, whoa, whoa, look fellas, I know...
"Hatchet" Harry: I know you're not in. Which means, no-one cares what you know.

Dog: What the fuck is that?
Mickey: It's me bren gun.
Dog: Couldn't you have thought of something more practical?

Eddie: That's quite a raise. That's 150 on my 100.
"Hatchet" Harry: Yeah. And is there anything else you want to say?

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Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels Quotes

When you dance with the devil, you wait for the song to stop.

Barry the Baptist

Barry the Baptist: Fucking northern monkeys!
Lenny: I hate these fucking southern fairies!