"Hatchet" Harry: You must be Eddie, J.D.'s son.
Eddie: Yeah. You must be Harry. Sorry, didn't know your father.
"Hatchet" Harry: Never mind son, you just might meet him if you carry on like that.

Bacon: What's that?
Samoan Joe's Barman: It's a cocktail. You asked for a cocktail.
Bacon: No. I asked you to give me a refreshing drink. I wasn't expecting a fucking rainforest! You could fall in love with an orangutan in that!
Samoan Joe's Barman: You want a pint, you go to the pub.
Bacon: I thought this was a pub!
Samoan Joes Barman: It's a Samoan pub.

Eddie: Twenty grand, open.
"Hatchet" Harry: Thirty thousand. Back to you, already-Eddie.
Eddie: Fifty grand.
"Hatchet" Harry: Eighty grand.
Eddie: One hundred grand.
Player: Whoa, whoa, whoa, look fellas, I know...
"Hatchet" Harry: I know you're not in. Which means, no-one cares what you know.

Dog: What the fuck is that?
Mickey: It's me bren gun.
Dog: Couldn't you have thought of something more practical?

Barry the Baptist: Hello son, would you like a lolly?
Little Chris: Piss off, you nonce!

Dog: I'll find you... I'll find you.
Bacon: 'Course you will sweetheart!
[Ties Dog's hands behind him]
Dog: I'll find you.
Bacon: What d'you think this is? Fucking hide and seek?

Eddie: That's quite a raise. That's 150 on my 100.
"Hatchet" Harry: Yeah. And is there anything else you want to say?

Eddie: They're armed.
Soap: What was that? Armed? What do you mean armed? Armed with what?
Eddie: Err, bad breath, colorful language, feather duster... what do you think they're gonna be armed with? Guns, you tit!

As you know this puts us in awkward position... I don't have enough to continue.

Eddie

If the milk turns out to be sour, I ain't the kinda pussy to drink it.

Rory Breaker

Nick the Greek: Just get me a sample.
Tom: No can do.
Nick the Greek: What's that? Some place near Katmandu? Meet me halfway, mate.

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Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels Quotes

When you dance with the devil, you wait for the song to stop.

Barry the Baptist

Barry the Baptist: Fucking northern monkeys!
Lenny: I hate these fucking southern fairies!