Billy Mack: I realized that Christmas is... is the time to be with the people you love.
Joe: Right.
Billy Mack: And I realized that, as dire chance and... and... and fateful cockup would have it, here I am, mid-50s, and without knowing it I've gone and spent most of my adult life with a... with a chubby employee. And... and much as it grieves me to say it, it... it might be that the people I love is, in fact... you.
Joe: Well, this is a surprise.
Billy Mack: Yeah.
Joe: Ten minutes at Elton John's, you're as gay as a maypole!

I had an uncle called Terence once. Hated him. Think he was a pervert. But I very much like the look of you.

Prime Minister

I look quite pretty.


The President: We love that old thing.
Harry: What is this we're listening to?
Karen: Joni Mitchell.
Harry: I can't believe you still listen to Joni Mitchell.
Karen: I love her. And true love lasts a lifetime. Joni Mitchell is the woman who taught your cold English wife how to feel.
Harry: Did she? Oh well that's good. I must write to her some time and say thanks.

Juliet: I know you're Peter's best friend and I know you've never particularly warmed to me. Look, don't, don't argue. We've never got friendly. But I wanted to say, I hope that can change. I'm nice. I really am. Apart from my terrible taste in pie and... It would be great if we could be friends.
Mark: Absolutely. Absolutely. Doesn't mean we'll be able to find the video, though. I had a real search when you first called and couldn't find it so...
Juliet: This one says "Peter and Juliet's Wedding". Do you think we might be on the right track?

Beautiful Aurelia, I've come here with a view of asking you to marriage me. I know I seems an insane person - because I hardly knows you - but sometimes things are so transparency, they don't need evidential proof. And I will inhabit here, or you can inhabit with me in England.


Prime Minister: I'm very jealous of your plane, by the way.
The President: We love that old thing.

Juliet: Banoffee pie?
Mark: No, thanks.
Juliet: Thank God. You would've broken my heart if you'd said yes.
Mark: Right, well, lucky you.

Parky: This must be a very exciting moment for you, fighting for the Christmas number one. How's it looking so far?
Billy Mack: Very bad indeed. Blue are outselling me five to one. But I'm hoping for a late surge. And if I reach number one, I promise to sing the song stark naked on TV on Christmas Eve.
Parky: Do you mean that?
Billy Mack: Well of course I mean it, Michael. Do you want a preview? You old flirt.
[stands in front of Parky and flashes at him]
Parky: *That'll* never make number one!

Tony: You'll come back a broken man.
Colin: Yeah, back broken from too much sex.

I'm on Shag Highway heading West.


Tell her that you love her. You've got nothing to lose, and you'll always regret it if you don't.


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Love Actually Quotes

Let's get pissed and watch porn

Billy Mack

Hurry up big boy, I'm naked and I want you at least twice before Jamie gets home.

Jamie's Girlfriend