Hurry up big boy, I'm naked and I want you at least twice before Jamie gets home.

Jamie's Girlfriend

I had an uncle called Terence once. Hated him. Think he was a pervert. But I very much like the look of you.

Prime Minister

Billy Mack: I realized that Christmas is... is the time to be with the people you love.
Joe: Right.
Billy Mack: And I realized that, as dire chance and... and... and fateful cockup would have it, here I am, mid-50s, and without knowing it I've gone and spent most of my adult life with a... with a chubby employee. And... and much as it grieves me to say it, it... it might be that the people I love is, in fact... you.
Joe: Well, this is a surprise.
Billy Mack: Yeah.
Joe: Ten minutes at Elton John's, you're as gay as a maypole!

Mikey, DJ interviewer: How do you think this new record compares to your old, classic stuff?
Billy Mack: Oh come on Mikey, you know as well as I do the record's crap. But wouldn't it be great if number one this Christmas wasn't some smug teenager but an old ex-heroin addict searching for a comeback at any price? Those young popsters come Christmas will be stretched out naked with a cute bird balancing on their balls and I'll be stuck in some dingy flat with me manager Joe, ugliest man in the world, fucking miserable because our fucking gamble didn't pay off. So if you believe in Father Christmas, children, like your Uncle Billy does, buy my festering turd of a record. And particularly enjoy the incredible crassness of the moment when we try to squeeze an extra syllable into the fourth line.
Mikey, DJ interviewer: I think you're referring to "If you really love Christmas..."
Billy Mack: "Come on and let it snow." Ouch.

Juliet: Banoffee pie?
Mark: No, thanks.
Juliet: Thank God. You would've broken my heart if you'd said yes.
Mark: Right, well, lucky you.

Juliet: I know you're Peter's best friend and I know you've never particularly warmed to me. Look, don't, don't argue. We've never got friendly. But I wanted to say, I hope that can change. I'm nice. I really am. Apart from my terrible taste in pie and... It would be great if we could be friends.
Mark: Absolutely. Absolutely. Doesn't mean we'll be able to find the video, though. I had a real search when you first called and couldn't find it so...
Juliet: This one says "Peter and Juliet's Wedding". Do you think we might be on the right track?

Eleonore: This year you bring a lady guest?
Jamie: No, change of situation. It's just me.
Eleonore: Am I sad or not sad?
Jamie: I think you're not surprised.

[in Portguese] I will miss you. And your very slow typing... and your very bad driving.


Thank you. That will be nice. Yes is being my answer. Easy question.


Tony: You'll come back a broken man.
Colin: Yeah, back broken from too much sex.

Grande, er... grande familio, grande tradizione de Christmas presents. Stupido.


Jamie: I'm so late.
Jamie's Girlfriend: It's just round the corner, you'll make it.
Jamie: Are you sure you don't mind me going without you?
Jamie's Girlfriend: No, I'm just feeling so rotten.
Jamie: I love you.
Jamie's Girlfriend: I know.
Jamie: I love you even when you're sick and look disgusting.
Jamie's Girlfriend: I know. Now go or you will actually miss it.
Jamie: Right. Did I tell you I love you?
Jamie's Girlfriend: Yes you did, get out, loser!

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Love Actually Quotes

Let's get pissed and watch porn

Billy Mack

Hurry up big boy, I'm naked and I want you at least twice before Jamie gets home.

Jamie's Girlfriend