I'll tell you what I want you to do, Janet! I want you to do your fucking job!

Frank T.J. Mackey

[looks out window] Why are frogs falling from the sky?

Phil Parma

Donnie, You got struck by lightning last summer you were on vacation in Tahoe, I don't think braces is a good idea.

Avi Solomon

You deserve to die alone for what you've done.

Rose Gator

Have you ever been struck by lightning? It hurts.

Quiz Kid Donnie Smith

...whatever you wanna tell me, whatever you think might scare me, won't... and I will listen... I will be a good listener to you if that's what you want... and you know, you know... I won't judge you... I can do that sometimes, I know, but I won't... I can... listen to you and you shouldn't be scared of scaring me off or anything that you might think I'll think or on and on and just say it and I'll listen to you...

Jim Kurring

Don't die, you fucking asshole, don't die. Don't die, you FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!!

Frank T.J. Mackey

Marcie: This is bullshit. This is fuckin' bullshit.
Jim Kurring: I want you to stay right there, Marcie.
Marcie: This is bullshit motherfucker. Mother-goddamn-fucker it's bullshit and you know it!

Jim Kurring: This is the LAPD. If there's someone back here...
Marcie: What I tell you? What I tell you? Ain't nobody in there! Where the fuck you goin' motherfuck? Don't go in my motherfuckin' bedroom and stay outta my motherfuckin' closet!

Jim Kurring: Now calm yourself down.
Marcie: [shouts] I am calm!
Jim Kurring: No you are not calm. You're screaming at me. Do you understand? I got a call for disturbance, and I'm going to checking it out. That is what I'm going to do. Are you alone in here?
Marcie: I ain't got to answer none of your questions.
Jim Kurring: No, you don't, but I'm going to ask you one more time. Are you alone in here?
Marcie: What does it look like?
Jim Kurring: There's no one else in here?
Marcie: You in here.
Jim Kurring: That's true, but is there anyone else besides me and you in this house?
Marcie: No, I said that already.
Jim Kurring: Are you lying to me?
Marcie: I live by myself.
Jim Kurring: That might be true, but the question I'm asking you, ma'am: is there anyone else in this house right now?
Marcie: No.

Burt Ramsey: You smell like trouble.
Jimmy Gator: I'm fucking hammered, Burt.

Phil Parma: Do you know that every other word you use is either 'shit', 'fuck', 'balls' or 'cocksucker'?
Earl Partridge: Could you do me a personal favor?
Phil Parma: Go fuck myself?
Earl Partridge: You got it.

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Magnolia Quotes

I have so much love to give, I just don't know where to put it.

Quiz Kid Donnie Smith

Don't die, you fucking asshole, don't die. Don't die, you FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!!

Frank T.J. Mackey