Oh, Lord, why is this happening to me? God, please help me figure this out. I'm lost out here! I don't understand why it's happening. God, please, God!

Jim Kurring

What did I do? What did I do? What did I do? Phil, help me, what did I do?

Earl Partridge

I loved her so. She knew what I did. She knew all the fucking stupid things I'd done. But the love... was stronger than anything you can think of. God damn regret!

Earl Partridge

Don't ever let anyone ever say to you, 'You shouldn't regret anything.' Don't do that, don't! You regret what you fucking want! And use that, use that, use that regret for anything, any way you want. You can use it, okay?

Earl Partridge

This fucking lie... it's so fucking hard, so long! Life ain't short, it's long, it's long, God damn it!

Earl Partridge

Stanley Spector: This isn't funny. This isn't cute. See the way we're looked at? Because I'm not a toy. I'm not a doll. The way we're looked at because you think we're cute? Because, what? I'm made to feel like a freak if I answer questions? Or I'm smart? Or I have to go to the bathroom? What is that, Jimmy? What is that? I'm asking you that.
Jimmy Gator: I'm not sure, Stanley.

Phil Parma: I'd like to get an order of peanut butter, umm, uh, cigarettes, Camel Light, uhh, water...
Pink Dot Girl: Bottled water?
Phil Parma: No. You know what, forget the water. Just give me a loaf of bread. White bread.
Pink Dot Girl: Okay.
Phil Parma: And, umm, do you have Playboy magazine?
Pink Dot Girl: Yeah.
Phil Parma: Okay, one of those, and uh, Penthouse? The magazine?
Pink Dot Girl: Yeah.
Phil Parma: You have that? Okay uh, one of those, and umm... Hustler?
Pink Dot Girl: Yeah.
Phil Parma: You have that?
Pink Dot Girl: Yeah, I said. That it?
Phil Parma: Yeah that's it.
Pink Dot Girl: Still want the peanut butter, bread, and cigarettes?
Phil Parma: Yeah. What?

Let's make some fuckin' money, folks.

Rick Spector

In this big game that we play, life, it's not what you hope for, it's not what you deserve, it's what you take. I'm Frank T.J. Mackey, a master of the muffin and author of the Seduce and Destroy system now available to you on video and audio cassette. Seduce and Destroy will teach you the techniques to have any hardbody blonde just dripping to wet your dock. Bottom line? Language. The magical key to unlocking the female analytical mindset. Tap directly into her hopes, her wants, her fears, her desires, and her sweet little panties. Learn how to make that lady "friend" your sex-starved servant. I don't care how you look. I don't care what car you drive. I don't care what your last bank statement says. Seduce and Destroy produces an instant money-back guarantee trance-like state that will get you this - naughty sauce you want fast. Hey - how many more times do you need to hear the all-too-famous line of 'I just don't feel that way about you?'

Frank T.J. Mackey

Respect the cock! And tame the cunt! Tame it! Take it on headfirst with the skills that I will teach you at work and say no! You will not control me! No! You will not take my soul! No! You will not win this game! Because it's a game, guys. You want to think it's not, huh? You want to think it's not? Go back to the schoolyard and you have that crush on big-titted Mary Jane. Respect the cock. You are embedding this thought. I am the one who's in charge. I am the one who says yes! No! Now! Here! Because it's universal, man. It is evolutional. It is anthropological. It is biological. It is animal. We... are... men!

Frank T.J. Mackey

And there is the account of the hanging of three men, and a scuba diver, and a suicide. There are stories of coincidence and chance, and intersections and strange things told, and which is which and who only knows? And we generally say, "Well, if that was in a movie, I wouldn't believe it." Someone's so-and-so met someone else's so-and-so and so on. And it is in the humble opinion of this narrator that strange things happen all the time. And so it goes, and so it goes. And the book says, "We may be through with the past, but the past ain't through with us."

Narrator

Claudia Wilson Gator: It's not / What you thought / When you first began it / You got / What you want / Now you can hardly stand it though / By now you know / It's not going to stop
Jim Kurring: It's not going to stop / It's not going to stop / 'Til you wise up
Jimmy Gator: You're sure / There's a cure / And you have finally found it
Quiz Kid Donnie Smith: You think / One drink / Will shrink you 'til you're underground / And living down / But it's not going to stop
Phil Parma: It's not going to stop
Earl Partridge: It's not going to stop / 'Til you wise up
Linda Partridge: Prepare a list for what you need / Before you sign away the deed / 'Cause it's not going to stop
Frank T.J. Mackey: It's not going to stop / It's not going to stop / 'Til you wise up / No, it's not going to stop / 'Til you wise up / No, it's not going to stop
Stanley Spector: So just... give up.

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Magnolia Quotes

I have so much love to give, I just don't know where to put it.

Quiz Kid Donnie Smith

Don't die, you fucking asshole, don't die. Don't die, you FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!!

Frank T.J. Mackey