Jake Taylor: I play for the Indians.
Chaire Holloway: Here in Cleveland? I didn't know they still had a team!
Jake Taylor: Yup, we've got uniforms and everything, it's really great!

Hats for bats, keep bats warm.

Pedro Cerrano

Up your butt, Jobu.

Eddie Harris

This guy threw at his own son in a father son game.

Harry Doyle

Rick Vaughn: I got news for you Mr. Brown, you haven't heard the last of me. You may think I'm shit now, but someday you're gonna be sorry you cut me. I'm gonna catch on somewhere else and every time that I pitch against you I'm gonna stick it up you're fuckin' ass!
Lou Brown: Good, I like that kind of spirit in a player. The only problem is I didn't cut you.
Rick Vaughn: What?
Lou Brown: I think someone's been having some fun with you.

Heywood: Going somewhere, meat?
Willie Mays Hayes: About 90 feet.

Rick Vaughn: You put snot on the ball?
Eddie Harris: I haven't got an arm like you, kid. I have to put anything on it I can find. Someday you will too.

Second base... shit.

Jake Taylor

Lou Brown: I have something I think you all ought to know about. It seems that Mrs. Phelps doesn't think too highly of our worth. She put this team together because she thought we'd be bad enough to finish dead last, knocking attendance down to the point where she could move the team to Miami... and get rid of all of us for better personnel.
Roger Dorn: Even me?
Lou Brown: Even you, Dorn.
Eddie Harris: What if we DON'T finish last?
Lou Brown: She'll REPLACE you with somebody who WILL. After this season, you'll be sent back to the minors or given your outright release.
Jake Taylor: Well then I guess there's only one thing left to do.
Roger Dorn: What's that?
Jake Taylor: Win the whole fucking thing.
Willie Mays Hayes: [Willie stands up] Yeah!
Pedro Cerrano: [Pedro pounds his hand] YES!

Harry Doyle: That's all we got, one goddamn hit?
Assistant: You can't say goddamn on the air.
Harry Doyle: Don't worry, nobody is listening anyway.

Remember, fans, Tuesday is Die Hard Night. Free admission for anyone who was actually alive the last time the Indians won the pennant.

Harry Doyle

I'm hung over, my knees are killin' me and if you're going to pull this shit at least you could've said you were from the Yankees.

Jake Taylor

FREE Movie Newsletter

Major League Quotes

Rick Vaughn: What's that shit on your chest?
Eddie Harris: Crisco? Bardol? Vagisil. Any one of them will give you another two to three inches drop on your curve ball. Of course if the umps are watching me real close I'll rub a little jalapeño up my nose, get it running, and if I need to load the ball up I just... wipe my nose.

I'm hung over, my knees are killin' me and if you're going to pull this shit at least you could've said you were from the Yankees.

Jake Taylor