Board Member 1: I've never heard of half of these guys and the ones I do know are way past their prime.
Charlie Donovan: Most of these guys never had a prime.
Board Member 2: This guy here is dead.
Rachel Phelps: Cross him off then.

Come on Dorn, get in front of the damn ball! Don't give me this "olé" bullshit!

Lou Brown

Rick Vaughn: Fuck you.
Roger Dorn: What's the matter, rookie Fuck-Wad? Can't you take a little joke?
Rick Vaughn: Real fucking funny, asshole.
Lou Brown: All right, all right. Knock that shit off.
Roger Dorn: Lou, you better make it real clear to this little lady that I'm not about to take his shit.
Lou Brown: Shut up, Dorn.

[at the library, discussing Jake's one-night stand] I had no choice. She bet me 50 dollars that she had a better body than you and I had to defend your honor.

Jake Taylor

Wild thing, you make my heart sing.

Lady

Wild Thing. You make my heart sing. You walk everything.

Indians Fan

Lou, Lou; a minute of your time. See, it says right there; no calisthentics. What do you think of that?

Roger Dorn

Janice Bowden: I hear baseball players make awfully good salaries nowadays.
Jake Taylor: Well it all depends on how good you are.
Janice Bowden: How good are you?
Jake Taylor: I make the league minimum.

Willie Mays Hayes: Moby Dick? What you reading that for?
Jake Taylor: This happens to be a masterpiece of American Literature.
Willie Mays Hayes: Lynn turn you on to that?
Jake Taylor: Yeah... a long time ago.
Willie Mays Hayes: Well listen, if we ever get out of here, me and the other guys are going to a club later on tonight. You want to come with us?
Jake Taylor: Oh, I can't, I got some reading to do.
Willie Mays Hayes: [rolls his eyes] What man, you got a test or something? Jake, man why don't you just go over there and see her. Maybe she'll let you slide on a couple of these.
Jake Taylor: Well I would if I knew where she lived.
Willie Mays Hayes: That's easy! Just tail her home from the library.
Jake Taylor: You mean sit in my car and wait for her to get out of work and then follow her? That's kind of juvenille don't you think?
Willie Mays Hayes: [ponders for a second] Yeah!

Jake Taylor: Hell of a situation we got here. Two on, two out, your team down a run and you've got the chance to be the hero on national television... if you don't blow it. Saw your wife last night. Great little dancer. That guy she was with? I'm sure he's a close personal friend, but tell me, what was he doing with her panties on his head?
Rexman: [pops up]
Jake Taylor: Uh-oh, Rexie, I don't think this one's got the distance.

Charlie Donovan: Vaughn's been looking good out there today.
Rachel Phelps: Don't worry, he'll blow it.

Rachel Phelps: I think he'll fit right in with our team concept.
Charlie Donovan: That reminds me, I was going to ask you. What exactly is our team concept?

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Major League Quotes

Rick Vaughn: What's that shit on your chest?
Eddie Harris: Crisco? Bardol? Vagisil. Any one of them will give you another two to three inches drop on your curve ball. Of course if the umps are watching me real close I'll rub a little jalapeño up my nose, get it running, and if I need to load the ball up I just... wipe my nose.

I'm hung over, my knees are killin' me and if you're going to pull this shit at least you could've said you were from the Yankees.

Jake Taylor