Don't you guys go anywhere. I plan to put on a hitting display.

Willie Mays Hayes

Hats for bats, keep bats warm.

Pedro Cerrano

Roger Dorn: Don't fuck with me, Vaughn.
Rick Vaughn: Yeah?

Nice catch, Hayes. Don't ever fuckin' do it again.

Lou Brown

Roger Dorn: Let's cut through the crap, Vaughn. I only got one thing to say to you: "Strike this mother fucker out."

Jake Taylor: What I was concerned with was why you didn't come up with that grounder that Rockert hit in the 9th
Roger Dorn: It was out of my reach, what do you want me to do dive for it?
Jake Taylor: Rog, it could have meant the game!
Roger Dorn: oh come on cut the rah rah shit Taylor! Year after this I go free agent. Plus me and my agent got a couple of plans for life after baseball. So I am not about to risk major injury or displace this property for a collection of stiffs!
Jake Taylor: Ya know Dorn, I liked you so much better when you were just a ballplayer. If you wanna be an interior decorator now that's none of my business. But some of us still need this team. Now you listen to me! This is my last shot at a winner and for some of the younger guys it could be their only shot. I don't know what happened to you. But if you ever, ever tank another play like you did today, I'm gonna cut your nuts off and stuff em down your fuckin throat!

Come on Dorn, get in front of the damn ball! Don't give me this "olé" bullshit!

Lou Brown

Rick Vaughn: I got news for you Mr. Brown, you haven't heard the last of me. You may think I'm shit now, but someday you're gonna be sorry you cut me. I'm gonna catch on somewhere else and every time that I pitch against you I'm gonna stick it up you're fuckin' ass!
Lou Brown: Good, I like that kind of spirit in a player. The only problem is I didn't cut you.
Rick Vaughn: What?
Lou Brown: I think someone's been having some fun with you.

Lou Brown: I thought you said we didn't have any high priced talent.
Charlie Donovan: Forget about Dorn, he's just high priced.
Pepper Leach: [Vaughn pulls up on motorcycle] Look at this fuckin' guy.
Lou Brown: My kinda team, Charlie, my kinda team.

Lou, Lou; a minute of your time. See, it says right there; no calisthentics. What do you think of that?

Roger Dorn

Janice Bowden: I hear baseball players make awfully good salaries nowadays.
Jake Taylor: Well it all depends on how good you are.
Janice Bowden: How good are you?
Jake Taylor: I make the league minimum.

Willie Mays Hayes: Moby Dick? What you reading that for?
Jake Taylor: This happens to be a masterpiece of American Literature.
Willie Mays Hayes: Lynn turn you on to that?
Jake Taylor: Yeah... a long time ago.
Willie Mays Hayes: Well listen, if we ever get out of here, me and the other guys are going to a club later on tonight. You want to come with us?
Jake Taylor: Oh, I can't, I got some reading to do.
Willie Mays Hayes: [rolls his eyes] What man, you got a test or something? Jake, man why don't you just go over there and see her. Maybe she'll let you slide on a couple of these.
Jake Taylor: Well I would if I knew where she lived.
Willie Mays Hayes: That's easy! Just tail her home from the library.
Jake Taylor: You mean sit in my car and wait for her to get out of work and then follow her? That's kind of juvenille don't you think?
Willie Mays Hayes: [ponders for a second] Yeah!

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Major League Quotes

Rick Vaughn: What's that shit on your chest?
Eddie Harris: Crisco? Bardol? Vagisil. Any one of them will give you another two to three inches drop on your curve ball. Of course if the umps are watching me real close I'll rub a little jalapeño up my nose, get it running, and if I need to load the ball up I just... wipe my nose.

I'm hung over, my knees are killin' me and if you're going to pull this shit at least you could've said you were from the Yankees.

Jake Taylor