Tom: Stay away from her.
Jake Taylor: Suck my dick.

Second base... shit.

Jake Taylor

Yo, bartender, Jobu needs a refill.

Eddie Harris

Umpire: You threw at him intentionally!
Rick Vaughn: Oh, kiss my ass!
Umpire: You're gone!
Rick Vaughn: You're full of shit! Fuck you!
Umpire: Get outta here, rookie!
Rick Vaughn: Oh, why don't you blow me ump?

[at the library, discussing Jake's one-night stand] I had no choice. She bet me 50 dollars that she had a better body than you and I had to defend your honor.

Jake Taylor

Lynn Wells: Oh, what a bunch of bullshit! I have a much better body than she does!
[everyone in the library turns to look]
Jake Taylor: She's right.

Don't you guys go anywhere. I plan to put on a hitting display.

Willie Mays Hayes

Hats for bats, keep bats warm.

Pedro Cerrano

Roger Dorn: Don't fuck with me, Vaughn.
Rick Vaughn: Yeah?

JUST a bit outside.

Harry Doyle

Nice catch, Hayes. Don't ever fuckin' do it again.

Lou Brown

Willie Mays Hayes. I hit like Mays, and I run like Hayes.

Willie Mays Hayes

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Major League Quotes

Rick Vaughn: What's that shit on your chest?
Eddie Harris: Crisco? Bardol? Vagisil. Any one of them will give you another two to three inches drop on your curve ball. Of course if the umps are watching me real close I'll rub a little jalapeño up my nose, get it running, and if I need to load the ball up I just... wipe my nose.

I'm hung over, my knees are killin' me and if you're going to pull this shit at least you could've said you were from the Yankees.

Jake Taylor