Willie Mays Hayes: Moby Dick? What you reading that for?
Jake Taylor: This happens to be a masterpiece of American Literature.
Willie Mays Hayes: Lynn turn you on to that?
Jake Taylor: Yeah... a long time ago.
Willie Mays Hayes: Well listen, if we ever get out of here, me and the other guys are going to a club later on tonight. You want to come with us?
Jake Taylor: Oh, I can't, I got some reading to do.
Willie Mays Hayes: [rolls his eyes] What man, you got a test or something? Jake, man why don't you just go over there and see her. Maybe she'll let you slide on a couple of these.
Jake Taylor: Well I would if I knew where she lived.
Willie Mays Hayes: That's easy! Just tail her home from the library.
Jake Taylor: You mean sit in my car and wait for her to get out of work and then follow her? That's kind of juvenille don't you think?
Willie Mays Hayes: [ponders for a second] Yeah!

Harry Doyle: Monty, anything to add?
Color Man: Umm... no.
Harry Doyle: He's not the best colorman in the league for nothing, folks!

Heywood: You really knocked the crap out of that one.
Willie Mays Hayes: Oh, I plan to get at least a double out of this. [shows Heywood his black gloves] I bought a hundred of these. One for every base I'm gonna steal. Excuse me while I take my first step toward the Hall of Fame.
Heywood: My ass.

Throw to first... Hayes is picked off! Personally, I think we got hosed on that call.

Harry Doyle

[to Jake] Cerrano's looking for some extra power for tonight. He's looking to sacrifice a live chicken. Man, we can't have people puking in the locker room before the game!

Willie Mays Hayes

Rachel Phelps: Any ideas?
Charlie Donovan: On how we can get worse?
Rachel Phelps: Mmmmm...
Charlie Donovan: How about a series of fines for good play? Maybe a $30,000 bonus to the guy voted Least Valuable Player.
Rachel Phelps: Maybe the problem is... we're coddling these guys too much. Yeah!

Willie Mays Hayes: Call the stewardess, Vaughn. I need one of those bags.
Rick Vaughn: There aren't any stewardesses.
Willie Mays Hayes: I wonder if they are any pilots.

Lou Brown: I have something I think you all ought to know about. It seems that Mrs. Phelps doesn't think too highly of our worth. She put this team together because she thought we'd be bad enough to finish dead last, knocking attendance down to the point where she could move the team to Miami... and get rid of all of us for better personnel.
Roger Dorn: Even me?
Lou Brown: Even you, Dorn.
Eddie Harris: What if we DON'T finish last?
Lou Brown: She'll REPLACE you with somebody who WILL. After this season, you'll be sent back to the minors or given your outright release.
Jake Taylor: Well then I guess there's only one thing left to do.
Roger Dorn: What's that?
Jake Taylor: Win the whole fucking thing.
Willie Mays Hayes: [Willie stands up] Yeah!
Pedro Cerrano: [Pedro pounds his hand] YES!

Up your butt, Jobu.

Eddie Harris

JUST a bit outside.

Harry Doyle

Good morning, gentlemen, and welcome to another season of Indians baseball.

Rachel Phelps

We did it! We did it!

Pedro Cerrano, Eddie Harris

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Major League Quotes

Rick Vaughn: What's that shit on your chest?
Eddie Harris: Crisco? Bardol? Vagisil. Any one of them will give you another two to three inches drop on your curve ball. Of course if the umps are watching me real close I'll rub a little jalapeño up my nose, get it running, and if I need to load the ball up I just... wipe my nose.

I'm hung over, my knees are killin' me and if you're going to pull this shit at least you could've said you were from the Yankees.

Jake Taylor