Favorite Mr. & Mrs. Smith Quotes
Jane Smith: That vacation in Aspen, you left early, why?
John Smith: Jean-Luc Gaspard.
Jane Smith: Damn, I wanted him.
John Smith: I got it.
I guess that's what happens in the end, you start thinking about the beginning.John Smith
Marriage Counselor: How often do you have sex?
Jane Smith: I don't understand the question.
John Smith: Careful, Jane. I can push the button any time I like.
Jane Smith: Baby, you couldn't find the button with both hands and a map.
Have you been selling big guns to bad people?Jane Smith
Jane Smith: I told you to wait for my signal, you didn't wait for my signal.
John Smith: Well, I improvised.
Jane Smith: You deviated from the plan.
John Smith: The plan was flawed.
Jane Smith: The plan was not flawed.
John Smith: Anal.
Jane Smith: *Organized.*
John Smith: Jane, 90% of this job is instinct.
Jane Smith: Well, your instinct set off *every* alarm in the building!
John Smith: My instinct got the job done. It may not have been the Jane show...
Jane Smith: No, it was the John show: it was half-assed. Like Christmas, like our anniversary, like the time you forgot to bring my mother's birthday present.
John Smith: Your *fake* mother's birthday present.
Jane Smith: The point is, you are *always* the first to break team.
John Smith: You don't want a team, you want a servant for hire.
Jane Smith: I want someone I can count on.
John Smith: [sigh] Jane, there's no error around you anymore.
Jane Smith: [pleased] Oh. OK, what is that supposed to mean?
John Smith: That means there's no room for mistakes, no mistakes whatsoever. No spontaneity. Who can answer to that?
Jane Smith: Well, you don't have to. Because this isn't even a real marriage.
Benjamin: [locked up in the back of the van, in a bewildered voice] *Who are you people?*
Jane Smith, John Smith: [yelling] Shut up!
John Smith: Come to Daddy.
Jane Smith: [after she bashes him with a teapot and headbutts him] Who's your Daddy now?
We have an unusual problem here, Jane. You obviously want me dead, and I'm less and less concerned for your well-being.John Smith
John Smith: [during a car chase] I never told you, but I was married once before.
Jane Smith: [slams on the brakes]
John Smith: What's wrong with you?
Jane Smith: [hitting John] You're what's wrong with me John.
John Smith: It was just a drunken Vegas thing.
Jane Smith: Oh, that's better. That's *much* better.
Jane Smith: What's her name and social security number?
John Smith: No, you're not gonna kill her.
Eddie: Tell me you got smart and that you killed that lying bitch.
Jane Smith: This lying bitch?
Eddie: Guess that was just wishful thinking.
[about the new curtains Jane bought]
Jane Smith: If you don't like them we can take them back.
John Smith: All right, I don't like them.
Jane Smith: [pause] You'll get used to them.
Mom #1: Eddie?
Eddie: [shouts] Mom! We are on high alert here. I almost killed you right then! You do not even realize!
Mom #1: [pause] Never mind.