Jane Smith: That vacation in Aspen, you left early, why?
John Smith: Jean-Luc Gaspard.
Jane Smith: Damn, I wanted him.
John Smith: I got it.

John Smith: Option A: You talk, we listen, no pain. Option B: You don't talk, I remove your thumbs with my pliers, it will hurt. Option C: I like to vary the details but the punchline... you die.

Eddie: This broad is not your wife, she's the enemy.
John Smith: She tried to kill me.
Eddie: They all try to kill you. Slowly, painfully, cripplingly, and then wham. They hurt you. How you going to handle it?
John Smith: [grabs assault rifle] I'm going to borrow this.
Eddie: I like where your head's at, man.

Jane Smith: Any last words?
John Smith: The new curtains are hideous.

[after his wife checks his crotch for a weapon] That's all John, sweetheart.

John Smith

[hitman from the BMW opens the van's left door. John opens the other van door and yanks the hitman through] These doors are handy

John Smith

Marriage Counselor: On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate the happiness of your marriage?
Jane Smith: 8.
John Smith: Wait. Could you clarify? Is 10 the highest? 10 being perfectly happy and 1 being totally miserable or...
Marriage Counselor: Just respond instinctively.
John Smith: Ok. Ready?
Jane Smith, John Smith: 8.

Your aim's as bad as your cooking sweetheart... and that's saying something!

John Smith

John Smith: [angry that Benjamin had blown their cover] You burn the picture after you get the assignment! It's the first thing you learn!
Benjamin: Oh, I must have missed that day. Just like you missed the day of don't marry the enemy.

I guess that's what happens in the end, you start thinking about the beginning.

John Smith

Eddie: Tell me you got smart and that you killed that lying bitch.
Jane Smith: This lying bitch?
Eddie: Guess that was just wishful thinking.

John Smith: Hiya, stranger.
Jane Smith: Hiya back.

Mr. & Mrs. Smith, or where Brad Pitt met Angelina Jolie! Watch Mr. & Mrs. Smith online and watch sparks fly.

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Mr. & Mrs. Smith Quotes

Jane Smith: That vacation in Aspen, you left early, why?
John Smith: Jean-Luc Gaspard.
Jane Smith: Damn, I wanted him.
John Smith: I got it.

Marriage Counselor: How often do you have sex?
Jane Smith: I don't understand the question.